Trip notes 1

5am- say bye to Ian and Dana, Ian was a trooper. But if they stayed longer I'm sure I'd be the one crying.



530am- board plane to NY . Aisle seat, this plane is very skinny I can literally touch both sides of the cabin.

610am- We are in the air. Looks like I have a window seat after all. Nobody next to me so I slid over



Kevin is 3 rows up from me and Debi, Josh, Randy and Laurie are 6 rows behind me.



645am- I have never seen the sunrise from a plane before, it's pretty cool. About 15 minutes ago there were some really interesting looking islands, going to have to look and see if I can find them on the map . Mid way between NC & NY. starting our decent now.

7am- I just remembered, it's not the takeoff that I hate, it's the descent to land that bugs me... Ugh....



715am- landed....it was a.......perfect...um... Two bounce landing. New York!!!



830am -NY Emerates counter said we have to check our carry on luggage because it was over 15 pounds.



Randy gets pulled to the side again because he is so suspicious looking and has titanium hips.



The airport bathroom has a huge line because it's being cleaned? Nope, it had a massive leak and they were trying to contain it.



10am- nothing new to tell other than the Emerates flight attendant uniforms are very different, very classy.



I do think if I ever travel again I will not assume that the air terminals have free wifi..... We will see how the rest goes.



11am-boarded The plane to Dubai, it's a 777!!! This plane is HUGE!

This plane is amazing, there is a whole console for video games, tv, movies and music right in front of me. There is also a front facing and down facing camera outside and we can see them from our seat. I have video of the take off.



12 noon- I think I'll watch Green Lantern now.



Lunch was like a meal in a fancy restaurant... Minus the tin foil and plastic containers....but it was yummy.

330pm- lights in the cabin dimmed and the ceiling looked twinkling stars.



530pm- five and a half hours sitting still so far, my butt is totally numb....I should get up to walk around to see if I walk funny with a numb butt.



I'm on my 3rd movie.



630- was just given a slice of pizza. We are over land now.



930pm/ US Time - please bring back our nice flight attendants, it looks like they switch zones through the flight and the ones we have now are very grumpy.



We are getting breakfast now . It's morning in Dubai.



1130pm US time/ 7 ish morning Dubai- I have now seen two sunrises from a plane, we are getting ready to land in Dubai. Hopefully the pilot doesn't bounce us twice like the first one did. We will have a 7 hour layover.

830am- explore Dubai.

Atlantis on the Palms shaped islands.

It's funny to me to see all the McDonalds, Wendy's , Subways, KFCs and Hardees all over the place that is the richest in the world.



930am- we stopped at a beach to get our feet wet, give thanks and recharge.

Now on our way to the worlds largest mall... I still am in awe that I am this far from home and have farther to go on this journey. The good stuff hasn't even started yet.



Our cab drivers name sounds like Hallelujah , I think we are making her mad or maybe she is just normally gruff.

Update you.

Greetings ,  This should have gone out before my trip but I kinda flaked out, sorry.


I know it may have been a while since you have heard from me so I am writing you now to bring you up to date on all of the awesome changes that have been happening concerning our mission trip to India.

Things have been falling together very smoothly so far, I received my Passport and sent it off for my travel visa. The visa surprisingly came back in three days so that was incredible. That’s better than any turn around from Netflix! Dana held my hand and Ian taunted me as we went to Passport Health to get all of my shots, Five shots total Eight vaccines total. For those who know me well know I’m not the greatest person around needles but I had to set a good example for our little taunting boy. He knows now there is no way out of his next shots.

The trip itself has evolved as well, We are going to Hyderabad for the orphanage, a couple local villages and the leper colony as well as visiting a coastal town called Vishakhpatnum (Good luck with that, I have heard it referred to as Vishka or Vizag? ) If you find Hyderabad in the central southern region of India and then travel east and slightly north to the coast, you will find Vishakhpatnum. I am also eager because we have heard there may be a visit to a jungle village. (I’m praying that this all falls together the way it needs to)

Global Hope India has been busy as well during this time Kevin, Laurie and the rest of the GHI team (you can meet them at Globalhopeindia.org) Have really found some great projects for us and future teams. We will be bringing 2 water purification units with us to help set up as well as teach the locals how to build more using materials easily found locally and another project for placing a large library of Christian content on cell phones in the region called Mobile Evangelist. I’m not sure on the details but it looks like by using mobile hotspots, cell phones and a few laptops (solar powered) the local pastors will have access to resources and be able to share their experiences and needs with each other.

Well, this is where we all are at the moment, some of the team members are finishing up with their visas and we are all excited to get in the air.

Thank you all, once again for all of your support and prayer, Please keep the prayers coming for us who are traveling and our loved ones who are staying behind. They will have enough to worry about just keeping things moving steady here at home, lets continue to pray that their worries and burdens are minimal.

I love and thank you all, God Bless you and yours.

Tom



- For more info on Mobile Evangelist and a Sneak peek of one of the Pastors (Samuel) I will be meeting please follow this link-
 http://www.youtube.com/stevekeel#g/c/762C27C5E80476BD

bug you.

This weekend, The family (Family includes our awesome friends who always assist us in our stranger activities) found their way to downtown Raleigh for the annual event known as BUGFEST!!!!   The event was centered around Raleigh's Natural Science Museum which is a treat all by itself, but this weekend it was full of BUGS!

I actually learned a few things.... Did you know that a Tarantula can throw its leg hairs at you if you agitate it? Did you know that Monarch butterflies are poisonous if you eat them and there are other breeds that have the same coloration so that animals think they are Monarchs so other animals won't eat them?  Do you think there are ever moments in the animal kingdom where a bird looks at another bird and argues, "No it's not, the poisonous ones are bigger, and I'm hungry!" and when he is mistaken do you think the other bird flies down and says, "I told you so!"  Yeah.....me neither...

One of the coolest things I learned about was a Tardigrade..... No it's not the grade you get because you are late from class... it's a microscopic creature that is kinda cute, but the thing that is awesome about them is they can survive almost anything. They are everywhere as well, they can be dried out, frozen, exposed to extreme heat and cold and even be exposed to the vacuum of space and they will survive. Pretty cool.

Bugfest had a little bit for everyone in the family. From artwork to games to science projects to jumphouses for the kiddies to the surprisingly popular Arthropod Cafe.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is where local eateries are encouraged to INCLUDE the bugs into their menus.... and people line up to try it.  I have to admit, my "I Dare You" bar went up a little bit this weekend. There were thai noodles with chili powder and crickets, Bread topped with lettuce, crickets and chopped tomato, Tossed cricket salad with lettuce and crunchy fried mealworm croutons. Jambalya with mealworms and crickets, chocolate bars with the same but my favorite was the oatmeal and cranberry cookie with chopped up mealworms and crickets. Mmmmm.....

 I tried to get my son to participate in the bug eating novelty but "No, daddy." was all I could get. Which is amusing to me because I have seen him dip pizza into milk and put ketchup into his applesauce.... I tried the lead by example tactic and put a cricket on my tounge, "Mmmmm, see?"..... "no daddy", I even went to the bible..... "Hey buddy, what was the name of the guy you learned about last week?"........"John the Baptist"....."Yeah, didn't he eat bugs?"...... he looked up, "He ate honey too, can I have a strawberry off that tray?"  there was no way he was going to join us in our silliness.

All in all the food wasn't really that bad, the crickets weren't my favorite, it had to do with the legs....I kept having to spit out the legs, the mealworms were better when crunchy and seasoned. I actually had more of a problem with the lettuce that was used in one of the salads, other than the legs it was the only thing I spit out.

At one point, sadly, my son dropped the strawberry he was eating and my wife picked it up and threw it away....This made me laugh.....it was thrown away because it hit the ground.......but it came off of a tray full of bugs.


I can't say that I will make a habit of it or search out eateries that serve bugs regularly but at least I know If I'm out there lost in the wilderness and need to eat something to survive......I will try that much harder to catch that furry little creature with sticks and rocks.......but if that doesn't work I know that annoying little chirping cricket is just making it easier for me to find my next meal.....

Thank you for reading.
Tom.

share a story.

I am re-posting this, I found this on a friend's site, thought it needed more attention....



Hello Everyone, For those of you who are married and those of you who are in love and planning to get married I have something priceless to share with you!


Please take just 5 Minutes of your time to read the following post and I think you that you will never look at marriage the same way again!

Its a story about a married couple, Continue reading below...



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.

I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other.

She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.

I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote,

I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.



That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.





My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....



The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage!

-Dr. Najeeb

I share this because it is very easy to fall into a rut in a marriage. Too many times I have seen people split who shouldn't have, maybe if they found that closeness again as a couple they could find the spark of life again as individuals.

Thank you for reading,
Tom.

tell you why.

Earlier today I was asked, "Why would you want to work with High School kids at your church?".... Well, the short answer is, "Because they're awesome!!!"

The people that ask me this usually squish up their face like they just smelled something foul at the same time. I always want to say to them, "You don't really have to make that face, they're just teenagers.....only some of them smell."

For the most part, I volunteer because it is fun, but there are so many other reasons as well. I have never experienced a High School Ministry growing up, It's not something that was even on my radar. Like many of the people who ask me this question (I can tell just by the way they squish up their faces) I had a very tainted view of what a ministry like this was all about. It is not an advanced sunday school where the church herds the teens so the adults don't have to deal with them. It is a Church for young adults who actually want to be there and share the word of Jesus. It is a community of loving caring people who share their worries, doubts, fears and blessings with one another, who lift each other up when they fall, give each other strength, and teach each other how to be better people. Oh my goodness it's just like church.......only with better music! (hahaha)

I honestly believe I learn more from these students than they will ever learn from me. I am just support when needed.

I feel like a truly healthy high school ministry can create leaders from the next generation that were better than the prior. It better prepares the students for the world ahead of them by having them engage in the world around them now. There is accountability and support from not only their peers but from the leaders who are serving them now. Rarely have I seen a student there that didn't truly want to be there.

Now, don't get me wrong, it is not without it's fair share of drama and challenge. Show me one thing in life that isn't without drama and challenge and I will tell you to look deeper. Drama, insecurities, arguements and misunderstandings are a major part of life in general, but in the teenage world they can be amplified.

Through the years adults have either learned how to control some of the emotions, become a bit numb to their surroundings or maybe even a little cynical about the goings on of their everyday lives. I am guilty of it myself. Think about this, when was the last time you truly cared about something so deeply that it made you angry, sad, excited, cautious, giddy, and exhausted all at the same time? When was the last time you called everyone you know to tell them about something silly that happened to you, and couldn't wait till the next day when you could see them and tell them again in person?

As adults we have lost all of that wonder. We don't even speak the same language anymore, the reason adults and teens stare blankly at each other is because we are standing in different dimensions within the same space. We see each other, we hear each other, (some times we can even smell each other..ugh) we speak the same language but most of the time we are not communicating. Adults are stuck in the realm of everyday life, kind of like the guy in the old Duncan Donuts commercial where he gets up every morning, day after day muttering to himself, "Time to make the donuts..." while teens are experiencing the biggest social events of their lives......Highschool.

Their lives are at warp speed right now, everything is constantly moving, never stopping, classes, friends, learning to drive, trying to get a job, applying for college, parents threatening responsibility, boyfriends / girlfriends, best friends, enemies, the social drama, love stress, peer pressure and the constant threat that the real world is BANGING ON THEIR DOOR!........

When that door is opened, without the guidance of caring adults there to help slow them down to the speed of the real world, they will run straight into it at full speed like a bullet to a cinder block wall and when the dust finally settles they will have the same look on their face that I had after my graduation....."What happened? Where do I go from here?"

Growing up I never had the community structure that our teens have. I never had a group of adults who cared about who I was and where I might be going in life, who took the time to get to know me and share their experiences with me. I know I will never fully learn their language again, and to be honest I don't think I should have to (Man, I can't even get the cool handshakes right but who cares, right?) as long as I stay real to myself and to them.

I work with them because guidance should be something that is given willingly, and freely. It may not be all fun and sunshine but it is completely worth it.


Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)


Thank you for reading.
Tom.

say ADHD isn't easy for the family.

I know, I know, I'm talking about ADHD again......but hey, someone has to. Right?

One thing I would like to stress is that ADHD is a real disorder and qualifies as a disability under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). I don't know how many times I have heard someone sigh or seen eyes roll when a person is overheard mentioning they have ADHD.

 I just wanted to stress that it is indeed a real disorder and many real people and families can get caught up in it and completely lost if they do not understand it.

There are many websites and message boards about ADHD so I will not get into naming them. I would like to draw your attention (ha!) to the spouse's complaints on the message boards. Many of them are angry, and they all say pretty much the same things, "My spouse doesn't respect me.", " It's like having another child in the house.",  "...deliberately ignored what I asked him to do." or, "when he's not depressed he's angry all of the time."  Rarely do you ever see positive posts that mention coming to a happy medium or a greater understanding of how to work together.

If you read any of my other entries about ADHD then you know It was a therapist that recognized my disorder. What I may not have mentioned was that I was going to the therapist due to the urgings of my wife and friends. I was deeply depressed and a completely angry person. I didn't know it at the time but even though my anger would lash out to others I was really angry with myself, I absolutely hated myself. Yes, I was acting like a jerk, I hated that I was so forgetful, I hated being reminded to do things by my wife all the time, I hated that I couldn't go anywhere without getting lost, or that I couldn't go to the grocery store and remember more than three things that we needed. I hated that I was so unsure of myself that I was totally incapable of making a decision for myself and if I did I would second guess and doubt it the whole way through.

 Because I was unaware of why I was falling short of my standards and the standards of others that were put on me, I saw every reminder and every question as an attack. "Why is everyone always on my ass?" 

It really began to affect my family life, We argued all the time and my patience level with my son was so short that I was constantly on him about every little thing. I was definitely NOT the fun parent. The tension was wound so tight in our home that I am truly surprised my wife and I didn't snap. I know that divorce was not an option for us, we are in it for life. We already went down that road, both with first marriages and we were not willing to go down that road again. The only option was to figure it out, or have me committed. (that was a joke, but I'm sure it crossed her mind.)

Once I was diagnosed, a whole new world of understanding opened up for us. It took me a while to get over the "what if " stage of it all. I went back through my life and And thought about how it would have been if I had only been diagnosed when I was younger. Would I have done better in school? Would I have done well in college instead of dropping out in the first semester just taking two classes? Would I have a better career? Would my first marrage have failed? Would I have more than I have now, perhaps a better life?  You can really beat yourself up on this part of it all or you can see that trying to live in "what if " land serves no real purpose in your life.

 My wife said to me, "This is your life, like it or not this is the best that it gets."  ( I think there was a "learn to love it" in there somewhere as well) She has this wonderful way of using words to kick me straight in the nuggets and bring me back to reality.  Life is what you make of it, just as a marriage is what you both make of it as well.

The hardest part that I can see for a family with ADHD is compromise and understanding.

 Now I say a "family with ADHD" because everyone is involved. Remember those vows?  Better, worse? Richer, poorer? Sickness, health?  Compromise and Understanding...... You must BOTH come to an understanding of how an ADHD person's brain functions. It is chaotic, and sometimes difficult to slow down or focus. The attention span is erratic and if bored can become very short. (this doesn't mean you have to wear a clown suit to talk to your spouse, just don't take it personally if they begin to drift in conversation. HINT: change the pitch of your voice a bit if you see them drifting)  I always tell people to picture themselves standing in the middle of a desert with nothing around you but thousands and thousands of bubbles blowing around in a gentle breeze. The bubbles each carry an  idea, thought or memory and when one floats in front of your face and pops that is what you focus on. several may pop at the same time and you can get "lost in thought".  ( I have been known to stand "lost in thought" for fifteen minutes or more, I am always thankful to the person who speaks to me and brings me back to the world.)  You BOTH need to understand the persons limitations with ADHD, voice your concerns with each other. My wife and I came to an understanding that she was only reminding me of things to keep me on track, not because she is nagging me. I understand that and know now that she is only trying to help and I shouldn't get mad. I also have admitted to some areas where I need extra help, (taking my medication, why do they think a person who has the potential for forgetting to put pants on before going to work will remember to take a pill twice a day?) We have both learned to LOVE the smart phone, with Google calendar I have alarms and reminders for everything, and now I even know what we are doing next tuesday if I'm asked.

 I understand that there are things that she would like me to do, not necessarily for her but sometimes instead of her. I really struggle with this, in my head the dishes don't even register until there is no more room in the sink to put anything else. It's like this, I can drive through town and wouldn't notice eight people standing on the sidewalk waving but if the ninth stood in the road I would see him. If I don't perceive it to be in my way it doesn't bother me like most people. That is why I have to really think about it. On the other hand, my wife will come home and notice that I have done something so she doesn't have to but when she goes to relax she sees my socks on the floor in the living room, she understands my mind was else where. She knows there is always something I'm going to forget.

Compromise and knowing the family limitations, requires communication. I understand now that I will never remember more than three things at the grocery store, so instead of trying to remember it all I will ask that it gets written down without her saying, "It's only four things, why can't you remember ?"  If I am slipping and she feels like she is overwhelmed she knows that she can remind me that she can't do it all and I hear her. Sometimes instead of reminding me of something that needs to be done, she will suggest that we all work on it together.

Mediation in the relationship may be a good option for some who are having trouble with this communication. I continued to go to therapy for a while after my diagnosis just to get a better handle on how to explain what I was going through.

One of the most important things is just as there is no room for anger and resentment in any marriage, there is absolutely no room for it in an ADHD marriage. There are too many other issues to resolve without those things clouding the issue.

be myself.

I have this strange phenomenon surrounding me that makes people hear what I say, even if I didn’t actually say it. It forces me to really struggle to keep track of and evaluate what I say before I actually say it. When my filter fails, most of the time it will come back to haunt me. I have found that it is very difficult to be myself in certain aspects of my life.


Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not this overbearing monster or anything. Just a normal guy making normal observations. But when I agree with a crowd of people that a situation sucks, suddenly the crowd forgets that they were all in agreement as well and I become the sole perpetrator of the disagreement. Suddenly, even though there were twenty people in agreement, I am the only person that can be remembered for saying anything. I will say that I am not a very crass or obscene person, but I do like to kid around a bit and I love sarcasm. We live in a super competitive world where one person’s insecurities can force them to hear what they want to hear. I find that really hard to be myself sometimes.

This brings me to a great Idea for a reality show! WHAT??? You are asking, “How does your paranoia transfer over to a reality show?”

We have become so politically correct and sensitive when it comes to speaking to one another that we have to constantly monitor and control not only what we say but how we say it as well.

What would life be like if we didn’t have to? What if we could be dropped in a small town where nobody knows us and all we had to do was be ourselves? What if we were only allowed to act upon our first impulse, say the first thing that came to mind in conversations?

Would your new neighbors learn to love you, or would they run you out of town within a matter of days? Would it be easier for you to talk about things that matter to you like religion, hobbies, family, or even personal problems you may be going through? Knowing that your goal was to be your true self and not to worry about whether people liked what you said or not, would you still be a likeable person?

I’m not sure how I would fare in this. I would like to think that they would not run me out of town ….although, they might think I was slightly crazy.

How would you do?