Does God Speak to You? (Or Does He Push?)

   Before I returned to the church, I used to look sideways at people who told me God spoke to them. I didn't understand it, when I was going to church god NEVER talked to me. It took me twenty years to realize how wrong I was. God is always talking to us, but are we always listening?
     Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't walk away from Christ but I certainly wasn't standing next to him either. I was an angry and rebellious teen and it didn't matter if Jesus was standing nose to nose with me shouting my name, I wasn't going to hear him.
    When I was fifteen I lost nine hours of my life because I was on the wrong path. I was drinking with some friends....When I woke up, my Grandfather was standing over me in the hospital calling my name....I had alcohol poisoning,my stomach had to be pumped, my nose was broken, concussion, and cuts and bruising all over. There was a bruise on my back that was a perfect boot print. I don't remember leaving my friends house that night to go to the deli, I don't remember us breaking into a bread truck and destroying a man's livelihood, I dont remember the car that came up beside my friend and I or how one guy shoved my friend into the car while the other three beat and kicked me continually. I dont remember friends from the deli coming to our aid and putting me in the freezer in hopes of slowing the bleeding till the ambulance came. I don't even remember arriving at the hospital and fighting the orderlies because they wanted to cut off my favorite shirt, or my mother holding me in her arms crying in the emergency room, swearing that an Angel touched my forehead and told her I would be okay.
   What I do remember is the next morning, I overheard the doctor telling my family I'm lucky I was brought to the Emergency Room when I was, the alcohol poisoning was bad enough to be fatal. I look back now and my only thought is how stupid I was but also (believe it or not) how grateful I am that it happened. Here I was, I believed in God yet I refused to follow him. It seems God believed in me more... but even 2x4 love couldn't get me to hear Him.
   Through the years I began to calm down but I still had issues with going to church, I felt I didn't need a building to define me as a christian. What I failed to realize was I couldn't do it alone, the building had nothing to do with it, it was the community I was lacking.
        
2 Timothy 2:22 ESV 
"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

 Keeping this verse in mind, I will return to the subject of God speaking to us. Some people hear a voice, some see images, My wife sees physical signs when she needs them (one horribly life changing day when her faith began to waver, she looked out the kitchen window and saw a balloon that had "God Loves You'" printed on it). It took me a while to realize, I don't hear a voice, I don't even see signs but at pivotal points in my life, I have been "shoved" in the right direction. It's how I got back in touch with the girl who I now call my loving wife, it's like an urge TURN HERE!
   I believe God also puts "Those who call on the Lord from a pure heart" in our paths when we need them. A young Pastor named Shawn Cooper changed my life, but I have to admit it wasn't easy. Our paths crossed so many times and we never made the connection. Same seminar, restaurants, Birthing class, We even looked at the house across the street from where they moved, and almost bought it. What ever it was, we were supposed to meet the Coopers and thanks to them I learned the value of community in Christ.
     My road to Jesus was a long and rough road and I am glad I am going in the right direction. Looking back at my lack of  spiritual support in my teenaged years I am in awe of the unity and support I see within our Student Ministries. It shows me that the future is secure and it gives me hope. I'm glad that one day my son will know how great it is to have such support.
If you read this far, Thank you for reading. I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to share all of this but I'm glad I did.
You guys Rock! Keep Smiling!

Tempered

You are undeserving of the things that are happening,but it is a blessing.
You may not feel it now but you are being tempered.
Your mind and your heart are reeling right now.
Up or down? Love or hate?
Peace or chaos..........?
It's not a mistake, and it's not failure.
You may not feel it right now but you are being tempered.
All is as it should be, you are stronger now.
Your wisdom is stronger now than it wasYesterday,
Last week, last year.
You may not feel it right now but you are being tempered.
Take this knowledge and strength and move on,
With your head held high.
Prove that you can live the life you were meant to live,
For those that live for you.
Know that you are loved
And you are exactly where you are supposed to be

Trip notes #4

* I have to say, this day was a day I will never forget as long as I live. The village that we visited on this day took every part of my heart, my spirit and my soul and stretched them all a hundred different ways all at once. It affected me so greatly that I have tears in my eyes as I sit here and type this.  I will write about this day in a future blog because this was the day that wrecked me, this was the day that I knew I was exactly where God wanted me to be...



8am- village excursion- pray over a future site for conference center for pastors meetings and support network.




Visit village drilling site to pray over a well being drilled.



Two hour drive from Vizag. One of the locals became car sick. Not used to longer car rides.



Starting to see the poverty contrast more the further we go.



The horn seems to be the most important part of the car.... Even in the country side.



Leave it to me to have to poop as soon as we get to a poor village with huts and no plumbing. (After a lengthy discussion...... "No"......... about how I don't feel comfortable going behind the back drop where my other team mates are sitting, or near the cow that was standing off to the side or even near the giant pile of hay with the chicken colony living in it and the 6 old men standing around I was able to convince them that I was a shy American and needed privacy. We jumped in one of the vehicles we arrived in and I was taken about a half mile away to sone trees near a rice patty field, I was past the point of caring when the driver handed me a bottle of water and pointed to the trees. I didn't even care about the crowd I was beginning to attract.......not sure where they came from.....)

First example of village development project. A bore well is currently in place, next step is purification, sanitation, bathrooms and sandals for all it's people along with medical needs, schools and crops.

After the service we were shown the church that the village worships in, it was nothing more than a tent structure with palm fronds covering it. It was very small but from it great things were happening.

Time truly stood still in this village.

When we came out of the little church it looked like everyone in the village was standing outside waiting for us to come out.

Now, if I haven't mentioned it yet let me just say that I seem to attract a certain amount of attention from a particular group no matter where I am here.... Debi gets the cute kids, Laurie gets the younger women, Kevin gets men and other pastors, Josh has teens to twenties, Randy has a good mixture and I get all of the...... Older widows, they just flock to me.

Funny observation- the little old ladies will come through the line for you to pray for them then they will cut back into line so you can pray over and over for them. Randy prayed over the same lady four times today.



When we walked out of the church this little old lady grabbed my hand and began to shove this clear jar with a yellow liquid..... Laurie noticed my panic and told me they wanted me to anoint them. I looked at her confused and panicked, thankfully, she explained....it's oil.



When we arrived in the village I had a bunch of questions and our local friends were having issues with the language.



I didn't notice a young pastor named John until he walked beside me and took my arm in his. As we walked toward the village he answered every question and cautioned me on where to walk (there are things that are done on the side of the road that you wouldn't want to step in)

It was really odd to me, every time I would start to get into a panic in the crowd John would be there to help whether it was an encouraging nod from across the crowd, a hand on my shoulder or to take my hand and casually walk me away saying " You have a good and kind heart." when a little old lady began to pull me toward food she was making he said, "Sometimes it's okay to walk away. You can't eat that."



I spoke with John for a while, I feel like I was supposed to meet him there, I am grateful for his help through a rough visit for me.

4pm - We stopped for dinner on the way back



6pm- made back to the hotel for rest and quiet.



8pm- back to Samuel's for church, then hang out on the roof speaking with our new friends and their families- this is my favrorite part of every day.

10pm- hotel to sleep.

Update you.

Greetings ,  This should have gone out before my trip but I kinda flaked out, sorry.


I know it may have been a while since you have heard from me so I am writing you now to bring you up to date on all of the awesome changes that have been happening concerning our mission trip to India.

Things have been falling together very smoothly so far, I received my Passport and sent it off for my travel visa. The visa surprisingly came back in three days so that was incredible. That’s better than any turn around from Netflix! Dana held my hand and Ian taunted me as we went to Passport Health to get all of my shots, Five shots total Eight vaccines total. For those who know me well know I’m not the greatest person around needles but I had to set a good example for our little taunting boy. He knows now there is no way out of his next shots.

The trip itself has evolved as well, We are going to Hyderabad for the orphanage, a couple local villages and the leper colony as well as visiting a coastal town called Vishakhpatnum (Good luck with that, I have heard it referred to as Vishka or Vizag? ) If you find Hyderabad in the central southern region of India and then travel east and slightly north to the coast, you will find Vishakhpatnum. I am also eager because we have heard there may be a visit to a jungle village. (I’m praying that this all falls together the way it needs to)

Global Hope India has been busy as well during this time Kevin, Laurie and the rest of the GHI team (you can meet them at Globalhopeindia.org) Have really found some great projects for us and future teams. We will be bringing 2 water purification units with us to help set up as well as teach the locals how to build more using materials easily found locally and another project for placing a large library of Christian content on cell phones in the region called Mobile Evangelist. I’m not sure on the details but it looks like by using mobile hotspots, cell phones and a few laptops (solar powered) the local pastors will have access to resources and be able to share their experiences and needs with each other.

Well, this is where we all are at the moment, some of the team members are finishing up with their visas and we are all excited to get in the air.

Thank you all, once again for all of your support and prayer, Please keep the prayers coming for us who are traveling and our loved ones who are staying behind. They will have enough to worry about just keeping things moving steady here at home, lets continue to pray that their worries and burdens are minimal.

I love and thank you all, God Bless you and yours.

Tom



- For more info on Mobile Evangelist and a Sneak peek of one of the Pastors (Samuel) I will be meeting please follow this link-
 http://www.youtube.com/stevekeel#g/c/762C27C5E80476BD

be myself.

I have this strange phenomenon surrounding me that makes people hear what I say, even if I didn’t actually say it. It forces me to really struggle to keep track of and evaluate what I say before I actually say it. When my filter fails, most of the time it will come back to haunt me. I have found that it is very difficult to be myself in certain aspects of my life.


Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not this overbearing monster or anything. Just a normal guy making normal observations. But when I agree with a crowd of people that a situation sucks, suddenly the crowd forgets that they were all in agreement as well and I become the sole perpetrator of the disagreement. Suddenly, even though there were twenty people in agreement, I am the only person that can be remembered for saying anything. I will say that I am not a very crass or obscene person, but I do like to kid around a bit and I love sarcasm. We live in a super competitive world where one person’s insecurities can force them to hear what they want to hear. I find that really hard to be myself sometimes.

This brings me to a great Idea for a reality show! WHAT??? You are asking, “How does your paranoia transfer over to a reality show?”

We have become so politically correct and sensitive when it comes to speaking to one another that we have to constantly monitor and control not only what we say but how we say it as well.

What would life be like if we didn’t have to? What if we could be dropped in a small town where nobody knows us and all we had to do was be ourselves? What if we were only allowed to act upon our first impulse, say the first thing that came to mind in conversations?

Would your new neighbors learn to love you, or would they run you out of town within a matter of days? Would it be easier for you to talk about things that matter to you like religion, hobbies, family, or even personal problems you may be going through? Knowing that your goal was to be your true self and not to worry about whether people liked what you said or not, would you still be a likeable person?

I’m not sure how I would fare in this. I would like to think that they would not run me out of town ….although, they might think I was slightly crazy.

How would you do?

keep the Christ.

    I have stumbled across something the last few days that really bothered me. Now before I tell you what it was, I feel I need to give you a little background about myself.

   I am a Christian, I was raised a Catholic until something happened (not exactly sure what) with my parents and the church. Some kind of misunderstanding. My mother stopped going to church when I was seven years old. I was no longer required to go as well.  Yay!!! For a seven year old kid that was cool right? I had a choice!
    I stayed away from any churches until I was thirteen and was living in Sicily, (Navy Brat). While there I used to go to the church services in the community center in the housing area where we lived. I even became an altar boy.  When we moved from the housing area and lived "In Town" I stopped going to services but would often find myself sitting in the small cathedral (more of an ornate church) embracing the silence. Sitting in the comfort of God's house, no words necessary to reflect, to heal, to cry and release. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved where I lived and all the amazing people surrounding me, I just felt a little lost. It was one of the happiest times of my life but it also ended up being the most sheltered time of my life. The point I think I am trying to make is although I wasn't attending a church I never lost my faith in Jesus, just in the church.
  It took more than twenty years for me to cross the threshold of a church for the purpose of worship again and I'm happy to have found a place where my family and I can share our faith. We can grow together.
   That being said, I still tend to think of myself as a new christian. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. I still have a few of those old catholic chains to break, One day I will be comfortable praying out loud, (Shhhh...you're in a church..) and one day I will be able to belt out a prayer that has not been preprinted and memorized without stammering and stuttering or thinking I sound silly. Where I was once Catholic I have learned to let go of the guilt and become a Christian. I will happily give up doing the "God Calisthenics" ( sit..stand...kneel...pray...sit...stand...kneel), but I must admit it will take me some time to get used to the "PDA for Jesus" (Public Display of Affection). I may tear up, and bow my head but bear with me if I don't raise up my hands or sing out loudly, still breaking those chains.
    Which brings me to my my little peeve. I feel like the best way to learn something is through observation of others who have been doing something longer than I myself have been doing it. I have always had a problem with the use of  "X"  in the place where "Christ" should be in the word Christmas (X-Mas). Throughout my childhood  "X-mas" would pop up during the holiday season and I would just brush it off  knowing it was just a person with a different belief system and lets face it the world was a little less politically correct back then. Now they just say Happy Holidays. I thought the politically correct world we currently live in was finally going to be the death of the "X" but then came the cyber realm. Texting , Twitter, and other social networks with their limited number of characters have brought the "X" back out to replace Christ once again. Leaving a whole new generation behind to remove "Christ"  (from Christian) and casually replace it with "X" ( Xian). I'm sorry, as far as I know Xian is the area in China where they found all of the terra cotta Warriors, and although I'm sure Jesus can be found in a remote province in China I don't think it is an adequate replacement for the word Christian. The saddest part to me is that it is Christians who are taking this shortcut in the hopes of saving their character spaces so they get their full message out in 140 characters or less. The question I have is are they REALLY getting the message out or are they sending another message by so casually omitting "Christ"?
     I look up to all of my friends, and as a newer christian I will learn from you by following your example.  I love you all, but this is one example I can not follow. I totally understand why it is being done, and I am not judging you but rather expressing concern. It seems to me there are plenty of other words that can be shortened  to get your message out with out undermining the message itself.

   All I ask is that we keep the Christ in Christian.

...shoot myself in the foot.

I just stumbled across an interesting phenomenon, There are LOTS of bloggers out there trading "Follows." I never knew being followed was that important. I thought it was more important to have someone leave a comment on a blog post but I see that I only have one of you that likes to leave comments. (thank you Chad.)

I know I am new at this Blog thing and you may think it's strange that I find this absolutely fascinating. " Hey if you follow me, I'll follow you!" Well, hey, I don't think so buddy. Do I even know you? Are you funny? That might steer me toward reading, because I like funny. ( Disclaimer- Current blogger is not claiming to be funny, only that he likes funny) Wow, the name of the game is having followers huh?

What if my followers are creepy guys (or girls) who do creepy things? Does that make me creepy by association? Hey I can't follow you, you're creepy....And Stop following me! Take off that Clown make-up! It just seems like it would be too easy to find your own personal stalker by pimping out your blog.

It makes me think, there are good people who had/have followers. Jesus has followers. Mohammed, Buddha. Moses had followers back in the day, can you imagine what his blog comments were like? "Are we there yet?", "I'm tired of walking!" , " Dude, we passed that bush an hour ago!", "Get down here, they're building a golden calf!!"

Actually I'm starting to see why Non commenting followers might be a good thing. What I want to know is what is the incentive for me to have an army of blog followers? Do I get a prize? Money? Fame? How About a nifty bumpersticker saying WWTD? What would Tom do? I don't want that, then people would come up to me all the time asking what I would do, that would just make me nervous.
Want to know what I'd do? Read my blog, Follow me, I'll follow you.......no...not really. But if you must follow, please don't follow too closely, and if I hear you say "It puts the lotion in the basket" I'm dropping you.

... try something new.

I submit to you that the place I willingly drag myself out of bed so early every morning for, trudging through the sleepy eyed masses of other commuters to get to , is not as much my job as it is a Social Experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Exactly who is responsible for these experiments? The strings attached to me go up at least four more levels before they fade into the darkness that is beyond Upper Management. Like dominoes falling in a row the strings are pulled from above causing the level below to pull, then the next, and so on till I feel myself pulled. I have no strings.

I am pulled away from the thing that I am doing to be given yet another thing to do. I'm told it is because I was doing the last thing so well. I look around the stark room notice there is another person in the room, very much like me but he holds strings. There is nothing attached to his strings. I ask, "He has strings, shouldn't he be doing these important things?" I'm told that his strings are only for show, he never learned how to pull them. I turn back and finish the important things given to me, The Uppers are pleased and they pull strings of appreciation, the pulls stop just above.

Once again I am pulled away from things to go and assist another to finish their things, Luckily his strings are just like mine except they are hanging slack, not held tight like mine. When the strings are slack your feet tend to drag and you move much more slowly. I was beginning to feel the tension of my strings ease a little. The thing is finished and I am now pulled into another room.

The last room is a whirlwind of activity, strong and powerful. As I look around the room I wonder where are the things I'm supposed to be doing? There are no things set aside for me to do. The whirlwind slows to a gale force wind and I finally see the other person standing in the middle, His strings are slack too. Clutched in one hand I see the strings of other workers, he has figured out if his strings are slack he can create tension by pulling down others around him and using their strings to get a step up. He sees me standing there and tries to grab at my strings and pull me down. I jump out of the room safely and fing myself back in my room.

I'm content in my room, it gives me time to think. Am I really here? Am I a lab rat just being moved from one place to the other just to see how I will react? Are the Scientists also the ones pulling the strings or merely observers? Why does it all have to be this way?

Oh well, Time to cut the strings and go home, I'll reattach them adain in the morning.

...vent about cakes.

Last night I stumbled across a television show that featured three high end bakeries in New York and a few of the custom cakes they were making. I know, this is nothing new, there's at least five other shows out there that cover the same thing. Well, I have a problem with them all.

First of all, Food Service shows kind of give me the creeps. The one last night had about fifteen pairs of hands on one "cake" and there was not a single glove on any of them. They could at least show the people washing their hands on a regular basis. They don't seem to have any issues showing folks running their hands through their hair or putting their hands up to their mouths in horror when something breaks and then diving back into the "cake" for repairs. Maybe fondant is germ resistant.

How much actual cake has to be in these crazy creations before they are not considered cakes any more? I know if I paid four hundred dollars for a cake and I bite into it it better be cake! Rice crispy treat is NOT cake. Great big wads of fondant or modeling chocolate is NOT cake. Wires, wood, Styrofoam, flame throwers, lasers and smoke machine........NOT CAKE.

When did it become a requirement for bakers to have experience in Carpentry and a degree in Electrical Engineering? As cool as all of that stuff looks, I'm still not sure I WANT a robotic cake that has the ability to get up and run away. Next thing you know cakes will be self aware and we wont be allowed to eat them because they will be considered a new life form. When cakes rise up and take over mankind and create human looking cakes to infiltrate the human resistance then we have gone too far!

...shed some light on ADHD.

A couple of friends have asked for more info on ADHD so Here we go.

This is a pretty good site to read about the symptoms.

www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-symptoms


I will also include a test or list of questions that helped diagnose ADHD with me. Mind you this was not why I initially sought counselling, I was having anger issues and depression. I couldn't explain why I was always angry, my self esteem was shot, I was constantly second guessing my decisions, depression overtook me and twisted in with my frustration to even make the simplest of decisions I became more and more angry and frustrated with myself and others around me. It took my wife and some friends sitting me down to say, "You are getting pretty scary, something is wrong." to get me to seek help.

After a couple of sessions, the counsellor mentioned that he noticed I was easily distracted by the window and would only focus if he had the blinds shut. He asked a few questions and I came to realize that I would "daydream" a lot. and he then asked me if I have any hobbies, "Sure, I'm interested in a lot of things." to which he asked, "But do you ever come up with an end product with any of your hobbies?". Of course I don't, that's just crazy talk, my garage is full of half projects and unfinished ideas.

He stood up, pulled a book from the shelf and began to ask questions, I was amazed at how many I answered yes to. try them out for yourself.

http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm


Knowing what is wrong and getting the proper treatment has turned my life around and made my relationship with my wife, my son and myself so much better.

...question my self worth.

I am really new to this whole Blog world and I find that I have a lot of questions.....

Who sees my blog? This Blog, the one you are currently reading. Are you reading this? Hey leave a comment........

I feel like the guy that stands up on the stage tapping the microphone saying, "Hello? Is this thing on?" How does this thing called a blog REALLY work? Is the rhetoric I'm spewing really go anywhere where there is a small chance that someone may stumble across it and actually enjoy what I'm saying enough to return another day? Is that it? Am I just a big hill of snow just waiting anxiously for that one little ball of snow to begin rolling downward? Or must I self promote with giant "READ MY BLOG!!!" posts plastered throughout all of the social networks in this vast Web that is apparently World Wide. FaceBook is ok, but should I really subject my friends to the real me? What if they don't "Like" what I say and they un - "Friend" me? Could I really handle the unfriendliness of it all? MySpace? Please, MY opinion was never really well received. Maybe I could go to Twitter, Hmmm. I feel like a TWIT just saying the word "Tweet."

If I continue on with this blog and no one reads it do I still exist? Or am I just another tree fallen in the forest? Will it even make a difference to me if people DO read what I write, Will it change how I feel about myself if I know someone is out there listening to me? Man, this is a real problem. Are there truly people out in the world whose lives have changed because they blog and KNOW people read them? Would it drive a person mad just knowing that throughout the years of blogging their anonymity has slowly dwindled away, that there are strangers out in the world that know them better than their own families know them? Think about it.

Do I really want to do this? If I do, will it make me a better person, or not?