I keep getting random emails for a guy named Mike. For a while I have been just deleting them and /or telling the people that I am not who they are trying to reach......
Then I thought, "Why not have fun with this?" so here is what I do now:
Dear, Friend of Mike,
Although I thank you for the inclusion of a peek into your life, I have to once again inform you (and all of your friends) That I am not who you think I am. My name is not Mike and I'm pretty sure we have never met. We are going on several years now that I have had the Jabberwokey account and have told several people that they have the wrong person.
As much as it seems that this Mike has a LOT of friends who are into a lot of interesting things with their time, I have to really question the level of friendship they have. If Mike is really a part of this massive group of friends and they are truly as close as they seem, then how come none of you have his current e-mail address?
My theory is that Mike is a part of a secret orginization bent on world domination and he was captured while trying to obtain the plans for a car that runs on water. The car's designer is none other than the young hippy scientist Doctor Ottovis Mind, who plans to bring the oil industry to its knees by distributing his water car plans to the entire world using the internet thus providing free energy to everyone.
Mike blew his cover when one of Dr. Mind's followers smelled meat on his breath. After a long and arduous reconfiguration process, Mikes mind has been tweaked, streched and prodded to the point of total acceptance to the philosophies and earthy lifestyle of Dr. Mind and his followers. In short, Mike has learned to love and embrace the smell of pachouli.
I suspect that if ALL of dear Mike's friends rally together to put the word out that this is no longer his e-mail address and that poor Michael is out there somewhere lost, alone, and brainwashed to eat organic foods, maybe one of you dear friends will find him and be able to bring him back to the person he once was. With a new email address, of course.
Next time you are at the airport and someone calls you brother and tries to hand you a flower, look closely......it might be your friend Mike.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
be thankful.
This weekend at church, I was able to peek into someone elses life. I saw an amazing love shared between a mother and her son and I saw an amazing love of God.
Sitting in my chair, waiting for the music to start, my mind wandering through the day. I was thinking about my son's future and other worries. All of which are normal everyday stresses that can creep into your life, that are truly, if you think about it, inconsequential compared to the life problems others may be facing.
Just as we stood for the music, a woman walked past us pushing her teenaged son in a wheelchair. I assumed they were going to go all the way to the front so he could see, because there were no rows close by to accomodate a wheelchair. What she did next surprised me a little. This small lady and her son stopped two rows up from us and she bent down and started to lift her son from the chair. I was instantly torn. Do I help? Would it really be helping if I ran over there and told her I could do it for her? She obviously didn't have anyone else with her to do the heavy lifting so she had to do it herself to get here. Would it be insulting? While I was wrestling with what the right course of action should be, she lifted him lovingly in her arms and tried to turn him into the row to seat him but the wheelchair rolled down to get in the way. I reached out and pulled the chair back for them, she smiled, "Thank you so much."
I returned to my seat as a woman with very thick glasses, was assisted to her seat by a man. Holding on to his arm, he led her into the row a few seats and they settled in. She turned to the side screen, which was 15 feet above our heads, and smiled.
Worship had started the second song as I was looking up at the screen above my head trying to figure out how the woman in front of me could possibly see anything from a screen that close. Why wasn't she watching the stage or the screen across the room?
My attention was drawn away from the screen by the way my wife squeezed my hand. It was the type of squeeze attached to heart felt emotions. When I turned to ask, I was instantly brought to tears by what I saw. The mother had returned after placing the wheelchair out of the way and was standing in the row of seats holding her son up in front of her swaying back and forth to the music. The amount of strength and love it took for her to hold her son up so that they could worship together simply floored me.
During service, when our Pastor began speaking, he encouraged us all to follow along in our Bibles, if we brought them..... Every weekend he leaves that sentence hanging in the air and every weekend I tell myself that I really should start bringing my bible to church. The woman in front of me looked away from the large screen over our heads an pulled her bible out of her bag. I figured out very quickly why she had been using the video screen closest to us. My heart sank a little more when I realized she could not see any other way, even with her glasses she could not see the stage. She opened her Bible to follow along with the service and in order to read it she had to literally touch her nose to the page.
I know that what our Pastor spoke about that day was important in my life, (making wise decisions) it always is, but what I learned within the first twenty minutes of the service, sitting in a section of the room that we don't normally sit, was just as important.
I learned that I have no excuse. If a woman who can not see the pages unless she is a half inch from them can read the Bible, I have no excuse not to read it as steadily as I should.
I learned that I have no right. A mother lifts her son at least three times before she gets to church. She has to dress him, feed him, and completely care for him, selflessly. She brings him to church and she lifts him up so they can worship together. They sing together. I have no right to complain about my life at all. My worries, my doubts, and my fears seem petty and selfish compared to what I can only imagine she goes through......and yet there she stands, smiling, singing, and holding her son.......loving God.
They have all shown me that there is no problem in life that God can't handle, let it go, lay it at his feet, become the person you were meant to be, and be thankful for what you have.
Sitting in my chair, waiting for the music to start, my mind wandering through the day. I was thinking about my son's future and other worries. All of which are normal everyday stresses that can creep into your life, that are truly, if you think about it, inconsequential compared to the life problems others may be facing.
Just as we stood for the music, a woman walked past us pushing her teenaged son in a wheelchair. I assumed they were going to go all the way to the front so he could see, because there were no rows close by to accomodate a wheelchair. What she did next surprised me a little. This small lady and her son stopped two rows up from us and she bent down and started to lift her son from the chair. I was instantly torn. Do I help? Would it really be helping if I ran over there and told her I could do it for her? She obviously didn't have anyone else with her to do the heavy lifting so she had to do it herself to get here. Would it be insulting? While I was wrestling with what the right course of action should be, she lifted him lovingly in her arms and tried to turn him into the row to seat him but the wheelchair rolled down to get in the way. I reached out and pulled the chair back for them, she smiled, "Thank you so much."
I returned to my seat as a woman with very thick glasses, was assisted to her seat by a man. Holding on to his arm, he led her into the row a few seats and they settled in. She turned to the side screen, which was 15 feet above our heads, and smiled.
Worship had started the second song as I was looking up at the screen above my head trying to figure out how the woman in front of me could possibly see anything from a screen that close. Why wasn't she watching the stage or the screen across the room?
My attention was drawn away from the screen by the way my wife squeezed my hand. It was the type of squeeze attached to heart felt emotions. When I turned to ask, I was instantly brought to tears by what I saw. The mother had returned after placing the wheelchair out of the way and was standing in the row of seats holding her son up in front of her swaying back and forth to the music. The amount of strength and love it took for her to hold her son up so that they could worship together simply floored me.
During service, when our Pastor began speaking, he encouraged us all to follow along in our Bibles, if we brought them..... Every weekend he leaves that sentence hanging in the air and every weekend I tell myself that I really should start bringing my bible to church. The woman in front of me looked away from the large screen over our heads an pulled her bible out of her bag. I figured out very quickly why she had been using the video screen closest to us. My heart sank a little more when I realized she could not see any other way, even with her glasses she could not see the stage. She opened her Bible to follow along with the service and in order to read it she had to literally touch her nose to the page.
I know that what our Pastor spoke about that day was important in my life, (making wise decisions) it always is, but what I learned within the first twenty minutes of the service, sitting in a section of the room that we don't normally sit, was just as important.
I learned that I have no excuse. If a woman who can not see the pages unless she is a half inch from them can read the Bible, I have no excuse not to read it as steadily as I should.
I learned that I have no right. A mother lifts her son at least three times before she gets to church. She has to dress him, feed him, and completely care for him, selflessly. She brings him to church and she lifts him up so they can worship together. They sing together. I have no right to complain about my life at all. My worries, my doubts, and my fears seem petty and selfish compared to what I can only imagine she goes through......and yet there she stands, smiling, singing, and holding her son.......loving God.
They have all shown me that there is no problem in life that God can't handle, let it go, lay it at his feet, become the person you were meant to be, and be thankful for what you have.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
be humbled.
Last night I had the opportunity to sit in on the College Ministry services for my church. As is the case with all of the younger crowd ministries in our church, it is very different than our regular services. I personally prefer the High School ministry with all of their high energy, and spirit of life. It's just a different world. High School looks at the future as a long bridge they are about to set foot on with excitement of the unknown and you have to prepare them for their long journey. (make sure they packed underwear and socks for the trip) The College students on the other hand have been on that bridge for a while and because they can't see either end of the bridge they question whether they are currently travelling in the right direction. You have to occaisionally reenforce their will to continue the journey. (sort of like making sure they keep the underwear and socks clean) Both require very different leadership skills and from what I can see they are both doing awesome things for themselves and for the world around them, I am proud to be a part of it.
Now, the reason I went to the College service was to listen to the guest speaker DJ Svoboda. DJ is 25 years old and was diagnosed with Autisim at the age of 3. He is a well known artist in the area and in my eyes a great example of how we should all be in our own lives and in our lives with others. He speaks very clearly to the heart of the issue. Whether you have a disability or not, you are loved by God, and you always will be. You matter to the world, to the people around you and everything you do is important. You are capable of becoming anything you set out to be, with faith in God ANYTHING is possible. Did I mention, DJ created a world where anything imagined is possible? (imagifriends link below) Through his art and his expieriences he has created a world without pain, fear, doubt, worry and hate. All of which you and I struggle with every day. The world DJ created shines through our world like a beacon of hope. With his webpage selling his art work, his public speaking and his newly founded non profit organization he is leading the way to stomp out all of the ugliness he and millions of others in the world have expierienced because they were different. "Take all of that negativity and SPLAT! throw it against the wall..." Not too Shabby for a 25 year old with a disability. Makes me question my lifes plan quite a bit nowadays.
I knew the first time I met DJ there was something amazing about him... Well.... maybe not immediately, but once we started talking.
I met DJ about 5 years ago. I was the maintenance supervisor for an apartment complex here in NC. One day I recieved an urgent call from the apartment manager to go take care of a leaking dishwasher in one of our upstairs apartments. I had not been with the property very long but I was aware that this was a resident that rarely ever had any issues and if they were calling it must be serious. Upon knocking on the door and announcing who I was, I heard a cheerful voice shout, "One moment, I will be right there!" The door opened and I was greeted with a very large smile attached to a young man holding a mop. I introduced myself and was greeted very politely, "I am very pleased to meet you Tom, how are you today, I am DJ, won't you come in?" Now don't get me wrong, I did see the mop, but I have made it a point to never jump to conclusions and to fully assess the problem before panicking. He may have been taking the mop to the closet to put it away and answered the door on the way, right? Wrong..... but hey it was worth a shot. When I stepped in and looked toward the kitchen I saw nothing but bubbles about a foot deep, slowly creeping out of the kitchen toward the living room. With eyebrows raised (I'm sure) I said, "If you could turn off the dish washer, I will be right back." I returned with a shop vac and we both got to work on the suds. I soon figured out the problem was a result of product labeling, the dish soap for "hand washing" was almost identical to that of the "dishwasher" soap. No water damage, just a neverending supply of suds. It was awesome!
The more I spoke with DJ the more he showed the caliber of person he was. He showed me his art work and told me about his newly formed webpage and the work he is doing to make people aware of autism and love and life. I was drawn in by the cadence of his voice and his eternal smile. He will always be an inspiration to me and I am glad to have met him.
If you live in my area and would like to meet him all you have to do is come to Church on sunday morning, he will meet you at the front door with the biggest smile you have ever seen and the best handshake you will ever get. If you can't make it here to meet him please check out his web site. http://www.myimagiville.com/ Keep Smiling!
Now, the reason I went to the College service was to listen to the guest speaker DJ Svoboda. DJ is 25 years old and was diagnosed with Autisim at the age of 3. He is a well known artist in the area and in my eyes a great example of how we should all be in our own lives and in our lives with others. He speaks very clearly to the heart of the issue. Whether you have a disability or not, you are loved by God, and you always will be. You matter to the world, to the people around you and everything you do is important. You are capable of becoming anything you set out to be, with faith in God ANYTHING is possible. Did I mention, DJ created a world where anything imagined is possible? (imagifriends link below) Through his art and his expieriences he has created a world without pain, fear, doubt, worry and hate. All of which you and I struggle with every day. The world DJ created shines through our world like a beacon of hope. With his webpage selling his art work, his public speaking and his newly founded non profit organization he is leading the way to stomp out all of the ugliness he and millions of others in the world have expierienced because they were different. "Take all of that negativity and SPLAT! throw it against the wall..." Not too Shabby for a 25 year old with a disability. Makes me question my lifes plan quite a bit nowadays.
I knew the first time I met DJ there was something amazing about him... Well.... maybe not immediately, but once we started talking.
I met DJ about 5 years ago. I was the maintenance supervisor for an apartment complex here in NC. One day I recieved an urgent call from the apartment manager to go take care of a leaking dishwasher in one of our upstairs apartments. I had not been with the property very long but I was aware that this was a resident that rarely ever had any issues and if they were calling it must be serious. Upon knocking on the door and announcing who I was, I heard a cheerful voice shout, "One moment, I will be right there!" The door opened and I was greeted with a very large smile attached to a young man holding a mop. I introduced myself and was greeted very politely, "I am very pleased to meet you Tom, how are you today, I am DJ, won't you come in?" Now don't get me wrong, I did see the mop, but I have made it a point to never jump to conclusions and to fully assess the problem before panicking. He may have been taking the mop to the closet to put it away and answered the door on the way, right? Wrong..... but hey it was worth a shot. When I stepped in and looked toward the kitchen I saw nothing but bubbles about a foot deep, slowly creeping out of the kitchen toward the living room. With eyebrows raised (I'm sure) I said, "If you could turn off the dish washer, I will be right back." I returned with a shop vac and we both got to work on the suds. I soon figured out the problem was a result of product labeling, the dish soap for "hand washing" was almost identical to that of the "dishwasher" soap. No water damage, just a neverending supply of suds. It was awesome!
The more I spoke with DJ the more he showed the caliber of person he was. He showed me his art work and told me about his newly formed webpage and the work he is doing to make people aware of autism and love and life. I was drawn in by the cadence of his voice and his eternal smile. He will always be an inspiration to me and I am glad to have met him.
If you live in my area and would like to meet him all you have to do is come to Church on sunday morning, he will meet you at the front door with the biggest smile you have ever seen and the best handshake you will ever get. If you can't make it here to meet him please check out his web site. http://www.myimagiville.com/ Keep Smiling!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
keep the Christ.
I have stumbled across something the last few days that really bothered me. Now before I tell you what it was, I feel I need to give you a little background about myself.
I am a Christian, I was raised a Catholic until something happened (not exactly sure what) with my parents and the church. Some kind of misunderstanding. My mother stopped going to church when I was seven years old. I was no longer required to go as well. Yay!!! For a seven year old kid that was cool right? I had a choice!
I stayed away from any churches until I was thirteen and was living in Sicily, (Navy Brat). While there I used to go to the church services in the community center in the housing area where we lived. I even became an altar boy. When we moved from the housing area and lived "In Town" I stopped going to services but would often find myself sitting in the small cathedral (more of an ornate church) embracing the silence. Sitting in the comfort of God's house, no words necessary to reflect, to heal, to cry and release. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved where I lived and all the amazing people surrounding me, I just felt a little lost. It was one of the happiest times of my life but it also ended up being the most sheltered time of my life. The point I think I am trying to make is although I wasn't attending a church I never lost my faith in Jesus, just in the church.
It took more than twenty years for me to cross the threshold of a church for the purpose of worship again and I'm happy to have found a place where my family and I can share our faith. We can grow together.
That being said, I still tend to think of myself as a new christian. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. I still have a few of those old catholic chains to break, One day I will be comfortable praying out loud, (Shhhh...you're in a church..) and one day I will be able to belt out a prayer that has not been preprinted and memorized without stammering and stuttering or thinking I sound silly. Where I was once Catholic I have learned to let go of the guilt and become a Christian. I will happily give up doing the "God Calisthenics" ( sit..stand...kneel...pray...sit...stand...kneel), but I must admit it will take me some time to get used to the "PDA for Jesus" (Public Display of Affection). I may tear up, and bow my head but bear with me if I don't raise up my hands or sing out loudly, still breaking those chains.
Which brings me to my my little peeve. I feel like the best way to learn something is through observation of others who have been doing something longer than I myself have been doing it. I have always had a problem with the use of "X" in the place where "Christ" should be in the word Christmas (X-Mas). Throughout my childhood "X-mas" would pop up during the holiday season and I would just brush it off knowing it was just a person with a different belief system and lets face it the world was a little less politically correct back then. Now they just say Happy Holidays. I thought the politically correct world we currently live in was finally going to be the death of the "X" but then came the cyber realm. Texting , Twitter, and other social networks with their limited number of characters have brought the "X" back out to replace Christ once again. Leaving a whole new generation behind to remove "Christ" (from Christian) and casually replace it with "X" ( Xian). I'm sorry, as far as I know Xian is the area in China where they found all of the terra cotta Warriors, and although I'm sure Jesus can be found in a remote province in China I don't think it is an adequate replacement for the word Christian. The saddest part to me is that it is Christians who are taking this shortcut in the hopes of saving their character spaces so they get their full message out in 140 characters or less. The question I have is are they REALLY getting the message out or are they sending another message by so casually omitting "Christ"?
I look up to all of my friends, and as a newer christian I will learn from you by following your example. I love you all, but this is one example I can not follow. I totally understand why it is being done, and I am not judging you but rather expressing concern. It seems to me there are plenty of other words that can be shortened to get your message out with out undermining the message itself.
All I ask is that we keep the Christ in Christian.
I am a Christian, I was raised a Catholic until something happened (not exactly sure what) with my parents and the church. Some kind of misunderstanding. My mother stopped going to church when I was seven years old. I was no longer required to go as well. Yay!!! For a seven year old kid that was cool right? I had a choice!
I stayed away from any churches until I was thirteen and was living in Sicily, (Navy Brat). While there I used to go to the church services in the community center in the housing area where we lived. I even became an altar boy. When we moved from the housing area and lived "In Town" I stopped going to services but would often find myself sitting in the small cathedral (more of an ornate church) embracing the silence. Sitting in the comfort of God's house, no words necessary to reflect, to heal, to cry and release. Now, don't get me wrong, I loved where I lived and all the amazing people surrounding me, I just felt a little lost. It was one of the happiest times of my life but it also ended up being the most sheltered time of my life. The point I think I am trying to make is although I wasn't attending a church I never lost my faith in Jesus, just in the church.
It took more than twenty years for me to cross the threshold of a church for the purpose of worship again and I'm happy to have found a place where my family and I can share our faith. We can grow together.
That being said, I still tend to think of myself as a new christian. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. I still have a few of those old catholic chains to break, One day I will be comfortable praying out loud, (Shhhh...you're in a church..) and one day I will be able to belt out a prayer that has not been preprinted and memorized without stammering and stuttering or thinking I sound silly. Where I was once Catholic I have learned to let go of the guilt and become a Christian. I will happily give up doing the "God Calisthenics" ( sit..stand...kneel...pray...sit...stand...kneel), but I must admit it will take me some time to get used to the "PDA for Jesus" (Public Display of Affection). I may tear up, and bow my head but bear with me if I don't raise up my hands or sing out loudly, still breaking those chains.
Which brings me to my my little peeve. I feel like the best way to learn something is through observation of others who have been doing something longer than I myself have been doing it. I have always had a problem with the use of "X" in the place where "Christ" should be in the word Christmas (X-Mas). Throughout my childhood "X-mas" would pop up during the holiday season and I would just brush it off knowing it was just a person with a different belief system and lets face it the world was a little less politically correct back then. Now they just say Happy Holidays. I thought the politically correct world we currently live in was finally going to be the death of the "X" but then came the cyber realm. Texting , Twitter, and other social networks with their limited number of characters have brought the "X" back out to replace Christ once again. Leaving a whole new generation behind to remove "Christ" (from Christian) and casually replace it with "X" ( Xian). I'm sorry, as far as I know Xian is the area in China where they found all of the terra cotta Warriors, and although I'm sure Jesus can be found in a remote province in China I don't think it is an adequate replacement for the word Christian. The saddest part to me is that it is Christians who are taking this shortcut in the hopes of saving their character spaces so they get their full message out in 140 characters or less. The question I have is are they REALLY getting the message out or are they sending another message by so casually omitting "Christ"?
I look up to all of my friends, and as a newer christian I will learn from you by following your example. I love you all, but this is one example I can not follow. I totally understand why it is being done, and I am not judging you but rather expressing concern. It seems to me there are plenty of other words that can be shortened to get your message out with out undermining the message itself.
All I ask is that we keep the Christ in Christian.
Monday, October 18, 2010
...pick you up.
I have never been comfortable with the "Pick up Line."
It always amazes me that some guys use some of the silliest lines and they actually work. "Darlin, did you hurt yourself when you fell from Heaven cuz you sure are an Angel!" Yeah I think she bumped her head pretty hard if she fell for that line, you might want to stop by the hospital before bringing her to your place, that girl has a concussion!
I wonder what is it that makes women Choose the guy with the lame pick up line. Is it that they are impressed that he possesses the self confidence to use such a silly line? Or do they lack the self confidence to say, "Dude that was horrible, please go away."
"Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?"........Ladies...... the response should be, "My luck will improve as soon as you leave." , unless you really want to get "Lucky" then go ahead go home with the guy but I guarantee you if he lacks the imagination to come up with a clever and original line he will lack imagination and originality in other places as well. Not sure "Lucky" is how you're going to feel afterwards.
I do tend to think there are some women who fall for the bad pick up line because they are funny, but guys, you have to understand what is funny to a guy is not always funny to the ladies. On several of the websites for bad pick up lines, (to be honest the "Good" ones aren't much different.) This little charmer can be found... "Eww..Someone farted, lets get out of here." ( I really can't make this up.) Now Ladies if that's the line that gets you to go along then there's no hope for you. But I must also add that if a girl were to use that line on a guy the first thing he would think is, "Yep, She's a KEEPER!"
Some of the lines I have read are just downright nasty, and as I have chosen to keep this blog as a PG-13 posting I can not give you any examples. I will say, "I would look good on you." is pretty tame but still very high on the lame factor
Austin Powers, was only funny for about 3 months, you should never use the term "Shag". It's dumb and begs her to associate you with a silly hairy brit spy with bad teeth, and a big fat guy that eats babies. Although, if that's the impact you're looking for then go for it, but I bet you won't be bringing home any Elizabeth Hurleys.
I wonder sometimes if girls go for so many bad lines because they just feel sorry for us guys, I know I always thought the approach was the worst part of the game. Guys really struggle coming up with such lines, they (sadly) put a lot of thought into them, they pour their hearts into them. The poor guy can sit for weeks, months, or even years crafting the perfect line for the cute girl that works in the coffee shop or the waitress in the restaurant that he can't afford to go to twice a week but has to keep going because this time, this one last time she will come to his table to take his order and he will FINALLY have worked up enought nerve to look her in the eyes , smile to her and say, "I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else." Then instantly his face would go blank and he will go into panic mode thinking to himself, "Holy Crap Dude!, That was not what I wanted to say! What the heck is wrong with me! That didn't even make any sense! Stupid, stupid,stupid!"
Yeah, I'm guessing the pick up lines work because the ladies have it so easy with guys, they look at us from across the bar (optional), walk up (optional), smile (optional), hand us a beer (optional) and say, "hi"...............BAZINGA!!!!!!!! WE are hooked, we will follow you anywhere!
I'm so glad I'm happily married, and if you have any doubts about how bad it is for me to come up with a line, it took 15+ years of knowing each other, working together for her dad, both of us moving away, getting married to other people and seperated before we even started dating. Yeah....I got Mad Skillz! yo.
It always amazes me that some guys use some of the silliest lines and they actually work. "Darlin, did you hurt yourself when you fell from Heaven cuz you sure are an Angel!" Yeah I think she bumped her head pretty hard if she fell for that line, you might want to stop by the hospital before bringing her to your place, that girl has a concussion!
I wonder what is it that makes women Choose the guy with the lame pick up line. Is it that they are impressed that he possesses the self confidence to use such a silly line? Or do they lack the self confidence to say, "Dude that was horrible, please go away."
"Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?"........Ladies...... the response should be, "My luck will improve as soon as you leave." , unless you really want to get "Lucky" then go ahead go home with the guy but I guarantee you if he lacks the imagination to come up with a clever and original line he will lack imagination and originality in other places as well. Not sure "Lucky" is how you're going to feel afterwards.
I do tend to think there are some women who fall for the bad pick up line because they are funny, but guys, you have to understand what is funny to a guy is not always funny to the ladies. On several of the websites for bad pick up lines, (to be honest the "Good" ones aren't much different.) This little charmer can be found... "Eww..Someone farted, lets get out of here." ( I really can't make this up.) Now Ladies if that's the line that gets you to go along then there's no hope for you. But I must also add that if a girl were to use that line on a guy the first thing he would think is, "Yep, She's a KEEPER!"
Some of the lines I have read are just downright nasty, and as I have chosen to keep this blog as a PG-13 posting I can not give you any examples. I will say, "I would look good on you." is pretty tame but still very high on the lame factor
Austin Powers, was only funny for about 3 months, you should never use the term "Shag". It's dumb and begs her to associate you with a silly hairy brit spy with bad teeth, and a big fat guy that eats babies. Although, if that's the impact you're looking for then go for it, but I bet you won't be bringing home any Elizabeth Hurleys.
I wonder sometimes if girls go for so many bad lines because they just feel sorry for us guys, I know I always thought the approach was the worst part of the game. Guys really struggle coming up with such lines, they (sadly) put a lot of thought into them, they pour their hearts into them. The poor guy can sit for weeks, months, or even years crafting the perfect line for the cute girl that works in the coffee shop or the waitress in the restaurant that he can't afford to go to twice a week but has to keep going because this time, this one last time she will come to his table to take his order and he will FINALLY have worked up enought nerve to look her in the eyes , smile to her and say, "I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else." Then instantly his face would go blank and he will go into panic mode thinking to himself, "Holy Crap Dude!, That was not what I wanted to say! What the heck is wrong with me! That didn't even make any sense! Stupid, stupid,stupid!"
Yeah, I'm guessing the pick up lines work because the ladies have it so easy with guys, they look at us from across the bar (optional), walk up (optional), smile (optional), hand us a beer (optional) and say, "hi"...............BAZINGA!!!!!!!! WE are hooked, we will follow you anywhere!
I'm so glad I'm happily married, and if you have any doubts about how bad it is for me to come up with a line, it took 15+ years of knowing each other, working together for her dad, both of us moving away, getting married to other people and seperated before we even started dating. Yeah....I got Mad Skillz! yo.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
...call myself a local.
The other day I was talking with a group of people and the phrase "Known only to us locals" was thrown into the mix. When it was said it was quickly stabbed across the table and twisted into my being with such force that I became offended that I was NOT one of the "Locals" being referred to in the conversation. The funny thing is, I already KNEW the subject they were speaking of and was STILL not considered a local.
"Known only to us locals." Hyuk, hyuk, nudge nudge... My reply was, "Well the secret must be out because I already knew that."
Local :1- pertaining to, characteristic of, or restricted to a particular place or particular places: 2- pertaining to a city, town, or small district rather than an entire state or country.
Usage: A local custom, local publication, local transportation, local disease, the British have my favorite usage, A local to them is a bar or pub.
With just the quick glance I took on the definition of the word LOCAL, I never once saw any connection with birthright.
NO... I wasn't born here, I get it. But I think I stopped being an outsider the day I accepted that KERR Lake is pronounced CARR.
I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere in my life. I own a home here. I pay taxes on that home and many other things. I work, eat, sleep, breathe, vote and live here. I have seen one lane dirt roads expand into highways and hog farms turn into shopping malls. I know where buildings used to be and why they are gone now and most importantly my son was born here and this is where we will raise him.
You can hold on to your birthright all you want but don't you dare brush me off because I was born in Florida and my family is from the north. The simple fact is, I am rooted and this is my home, it is truly the only home I have ever really known.
I am a local, I won't tell you how we did it in the north as long as you don't tell me how it is.
Bless your heart.....
"Known only to us locals." Hyuk, hyuk, nudge nudge... My reply was, "Well the secret must be out because I already knew that."
Local :1- pertaining to, characteristic of, or restricted to a particular place or particular places: 2- pertaining to a city, town, or small district rather than an entire state or country.
Usage: A local custom, local publication, local transportation, local disease, the British have my favorite usage, A local to them is a bar or pub.
With just the quick glance I took on the definition of the word LOCAL, I never once saw any connection with birthright.
NO... I wasn't born here, I get it. But I think I stopped being an outsider the day I accepted that KERR Lake is pronounced CARR.
I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere in my life. I own a home here. I pay taxes on that home and many other things. I work, eat, sleep, breathe, vote and live here. I have seen one lane dirt roads expand into highways and hog farms turn into shopping malls. I know where buildings used to be and why they are gone now and most importantly my son was born here and this is where we will raise him.
You can hold on to your birthright all you want but don't you dare brush me off because I was born in Florida and my family is from the north. The simple fact is, I am rooted and this is my home, it is truly the only home I have ever really known.
I am a local, I won't tell you how we did it in the north as long as you don't tell me how it is.
Bless your heart.....
Monday, September 27, 2010
...console
Always.
I know you are asking
why?
No matter what the answer is it will
not be good enough
for you
right now.
Know that I AM with you.
I feel your anger
Your confusion.
The pain I feel,
Is yours.
The tears I shed,
are ours.
Know that I AM with you,
Always.
Allow me to stay within
Your heart.
To stay within your prayers.
To lift you up, and forever show you
Hope.
I can not replace what was lost but I can
surround you with the love
of those around you.
Embrace them,
Allow them to help you heal.
Know that he is here with Me
And WE are with you.
Always.
I know you are asking
why?
No matter what the answer is it will
not be good enough
for you
right now.
Know that I AM with you.
I feel your anger
Your confusion.
The pain I feel,
Is yours.
The tears I shed,
are ours.
Know that I AM with you,
Always.
Allow me to stay within
Your heart.
To stay within your prayers.
To lift you up, and forever show you
Hope.
I can not replace what was lost but I can
surround you with the love
of those around you.
Embrace them,
Allow them to help you heal.
Know that he is here with Me
And WE are with you.
Always.
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