Before I returned to the church, I used to look sideways at people
who told me God spoke to them. I didn't understand it, when I was going
to church god NEVER talked to me. It took me twenty years to realize
how wrong I was. God is always talking to us, but are we always
listening?
Now, don't get me wrong, I didn't walk away from
Christ but I certainly wasn't standing next to him either. I was an
angry and rebellious teen and it didn't matter if Jesus was standing
nose to nose with me shouting my name, I wasn't going to hear him.
When I was fifteen I lost nine hours of my life because I was on the
wrong path. I was drinking with some friends....When I woke up, my
Grandfather was standing over me in the hospital calling my name....I
had alcohol poisoning,my stomach had to be pumped, my nose was broken,
concussion, and cuts and bruising all over. There was a bruise on my
back that was a perfect boot print. I don't remember leaving my friends
house that night to go to the deli, I don't remember us breaking into a
bread truck and destroying a man's livelihood, I dont remember the car
that came up beside my friend and I or how one guy shoved my friend into
the car while the other three beat and kicked me continually. I dont
remember friends from the deli coming to our aid and putting me in the
freezer in hopes of slowing the bleeding till the ambulance came. I
don't even remember arriving at the hospital and fighting the orderlies
because they wanted to cut off my favorite shirt, or my mother holding
me in her arms crying in the emergency room, swearing that an Angel
touched my forehead and told her I would be okay.
What I do
remember is the next morning, I overheard the doctor telling my family
I'm lucky I was brought to the Emergency Room when I was, the alcohol
poisoning was bad enough to be fatal. I look back now and my only
thought is how stupid I was but also (believe it or not) how grateful I
am that it happened. Here I was, I believed in God yet I refused to
follow him. It seems God believed in me more... but even 2x4 love
couldn't get me to hear Him.
Through the years I began to calm
down but I still had issues with going to church, I felt I didn't need a
building to define me as a christian. What I failed to realize was I
couldn't do it alone, the building had nothing to do with it, it was the
community I was lacking.
2 Timothy 2:22 ESV
"So
flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and
peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
Keeping
this verse in mind, I will return to the subject of God speaking to us.
Some people hear a voice, some see images, My wife sees physical signs
when she needs them (one horribly life changing day when her faith began
to waver, she looked out the kitchen window and saw a balloon that had
"God Loves You'" printed on it). It took me a while to realize, I don't
hear a voice, I don't even see signs but at pivotal points in my life, I
have been "shoved" in the right direction. It's how I got back in touch
with the girl who I now call my loving wife, it's like an urge TURN
HERE!
I believe God also puts "Those who call on the Lord from a
pure heart" in our paths when we need them. A young Pastor named Shawn
Cooper changed my life, but I have to admit it wasn't easy. Our paths
crossed so many times and we never made the connection. Same seminar,
restaurants, Birthing class, We even looked at the house across the
street from where they moved, and almost bought it. What ever it was, we
were supposed to meet the Coopers and thanks to them I learned the
value of community in Christ.
My road to Jesus was a long and
rough road and I am glad I am going in the right direction. Looking
back at my lack of spiritual support in my teenaged years I am in awe
of the unity and support I see within our Student Ministries. It shows
me that the future is secure and it gives me hope. I'm glad that one day
my son will know how great it is to have such support.
If you read this far, Thank you for reading. I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to share all of this but I'm glad I did.
You guys Rock! Keep Smiling!
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