Tempered

You are undeserving of the things that are happening,but it is a blessing.
You may not feel it now but you are being tempered.
Your mind and your heart are reeling right now.
Up or down? Love or hate?
Peace or chaos..........?
It's not a mistake, and it's not failure.
You may not feel it right now but you are being tempered.
All is as it should be, you are stronger now.
Your wisdom is stronger now than it wasYesterday,
Last week, last year.
You may not feel it right now but you are being tempered.
Take this knowledge and strength and move on,
With your head held high.
Prove that you can live the life you were meant to live,
For those that live for you.
Know that you are loved
And you are exactly where you are supposed to be

The Crow

 This is one of my favorites.


And the angel fell to earth because he knew not what to believe.
It was not betrayal, but uncertainty that led him to his decent.
Lucifer was banished, and the war began.
Of all the angels in heaven he was the only one to question this war,
"My Lord, why must we fight Lucifer and his minions?"
An eternity went by and the battles continued,
but it was not the armies of heaven or hell who suffered.
It was the humans.
In the midst of the carnage the angel stopped his fighting and looked down upon the earth.
What he saw horrified him.
The bodies of the humans were strewn across the landscape
and the oceans were stained red with blood.
The skies had been darkened by the wings of God's armada.
The screaming souls of the dead were lost in the darkness
and could not find their way to heaven.
In the distance, the Archangel Gabriel could be seen
preparing for yet another attack on the demons below.
Knowing that the Earth would not be able to take another attack,
the angel broke ranks and flew straight to the heavens.
" My Lord, I will not be ignored! This war must not be allowed to continue,
the humans are suffering and their souls are already lost!"
In a blinding flash of light which stopped both armies the Lord said
"What would you have me do? This war is for the souls of earth
if it is not won they are lost to Lucifer forever."
"My Lord, the souls are already lost, without guidance
they will never find their way to Heaven."
Suddenly, the Lord reached down and took the angels' soul.
"Then you shall lead them to Heaven."
Without his soul the angels' wings turned black and began to shrink.
"Why My Lord?"
"From this day forth, your true name will not be spoken in Heaven nor on Earth,
you will be shrouded in mystery and I will hold your soul so that you may be able
to find your way back to the heavens with the souls of the lost"
As the angel fell to earth, his body began to transform into that of a large black bird.
The bird spread it's wings and cried out with such a sound that all the souls turned
and followed it to the heavens.
To this day, the crow never rests.

Trip notes #4

* I have to say, this day was a day I will never forget as long as I live. The village that we visited on this day took every part of my heart, my spirit and my soul and stretched them all a hundred different ways all at once. It affected me so greatly that I have tears in my eyes as I sit here and type this.  I will write about this day in a future blog because this was the day that wrecked me, this was the day that I knew I was exactly where God wanted me to be...



8am- village excursion- pray over a future site for conference center for pastors meetings and support network.




Visit village drilling site to pray over a well being drilled.



Two hour drive from Vizag. One of the locals became car sick. Not used to longer car rides.



Starting to see the poverty contrast more the further we go.



The horn seems to be the most important part of the car.... Even in the country side.



Leave it to me to have to poop as soon as we get to a poor village with huts and no plumbing. (After a lengthy discussion...... "No"......... about how I don't feel comfortable going behind the back drop where my other team mates are sitting, or near the cow that was standing off to the side or even near the giant pile of hay with the chicken colony living in it and the 6 old men standing around I was able to convince them that I was a shy American and needed privacy. We jumped in one of the vehicles we arrived in and I was taken about a half mile away to sone trees near a rice patty field, I was past the point of caring when the driver handed me a bottle of water and pointed to the trees. I didn't even care about the crowd I was beginning to attract.......not sure where they came from.....)

First example of village development project. A bore well is currently in place, next step is purification, sanitation, bathrooms and sandals for all it's people along with medical needs, schools and crops.

After the service we were shown the church that the village worships in, it was nothing more than a tent structure with palm fronds covering it. It was very small but from it great things were happening.

Time truly stood still in this village.

When we came out of the little church it looked like everyone in the village was standing outside waiting for us to come out.

Now, if I haven't mentioned it yet let me just say that I seem to attract a certain amount of attention from a particular group no matter where I am here.... Debi gets the cute kids, Laurie gets the younger women, Kevin gets men and other pastors, Josh has teens to twenties, Randy has a good mixture and I get all of the...... Older widows, they just flock to me.

Funny observation- the little old ladies will come through the line for you to pray for them then they will cut back into line so you can pray over and over for them. Randy prayed over the same lady four times today.



When we walked out of the church this little old lady grabbed my hand and began to shove this clear jar with a yellow liquid..... Laurie noticed my panic and told me they wanted me to anoint them. I looked at her confused and panicked, thankfully, she explained....it's oil.



When we arrived in the village I had a bunch of questions and our local friends were having issues with the language.



I didn't notice a young pastor named John until he walked beside me and took my arm in his. As we walked toward the village he answered every question and cautioned me on where to walk (there are things that are done on the side of the road that you wouldn't want to step in)

It was really odd to me, every time I would start to get into a panic in the crowd John would be there to help whether it was an encouraging nod from across the crowd, a hand on my shoulder or to take my hand and casually walk me away saying " You have a good and kind heart." when a little old lady began to pull me toward food she was making he said, "Sometimes it's okay to walk away. You can't eat that."



I spoke with John for a while, I feel like I was supposed to meet him there, I am grateful for his help through a rough visit for me.

4pm - We stopped for dinner on the way back



6pm- made back to the hotel for rest and quiet.



8pm- back to Samuel's for church, then hang out on the roof speaking with our new friends and their families- this is my favrorite part of every day.

10pm- hotel to sleep.

Trip notes 1

5am- say bye to Ian and Dana, Ian was a trooper. But if they stayed longer I'm sure I'd be the one crying.



530am- board plane to NY . Aisle seat, this plane is very skinny I can literally touch both sides of the cabin.

610am- We are in the air. Looks like I have a window seat after all. Nobody next to me so I slid over



Kevin is 3 rows up from me and Debi, Josh, Randy and Laurie are 6 rows behind me.



645am- I have never seen the sunrise from a plane before, it's pretty cool. About 15 minutes ago there were some really interesting looking islands, going to have to look and see if I can find them on the map . Mid way between NC & NY. starting our decent now.

7am- I just remembered, it's not the takeoff that I hate, it's the descent to land that bugs me... Ugh....



715am- landed....it was a.......perfect...um... Two bounce landing. New York!!!



830am -NY Emerates counter said we have to check our carry on luggage because it was over 15 pounds.



Randy gets pulled to the side again because he is so suspicious looking and has titanium hips.



The airport bathroom has a huge line because it's being cleaned? Nope, it had a massive leak and they were trying to contain it.



10am- nothing new to tell other than the Emerates flight attendant uniforms are very different, very classy.



I do think if I ever travel again I will not assume that the air terminals have free wifi..... We will see how the rest goes.



11am-boarded The plane to Dubai, it's a 777!!! This plane is HUGE!

This plane is amazing, there is a whole console for video games, tv, movies and music right in front of me. There is also a front facing and down facing camera outside and we can see them from our seat. I have video of the take off.



12 noon- I think I'll watch Green Lantern now.



Lunch was like a meal in a fancy restaurant... Minus the tin foil and plastic containers....but it was yummy.

330pm- lights in the cabin dimmed and the ceiling looked twinkling stars.



530pm- five and a half hours sitting still so far, my butt is totally numb....I should get up to walk around to see if I walk funny with a numb butt.



I'm on my 3rd movie.



630- was just given a slice of pizza. We are over land now.



930pm/ US Time - please bring back our nice flight attendants, it looks like they switch zones through the flight and the ones we have now are very grumpy.



We are getting breakfast now . It's morning in Dubai.



1130pm US time/ 7 ish morning Dubai- I have now seen two sunrises from a plane, we are getting ready to land in Dubai. Hopefully the pilot doesn't bounce us twice like the first one did. We will have a 7 hour layover.

830am- explore Dubai.

Atlantis on the Palms shaped islands.

It's funny to me to see all the McDonalds, Wendy's , Subways, KFCs and Hardees all over the place that is the richest in the world.



930am- we stopped at a beach to get our feet wet, give thanks and recharge.

Now on our way to the worlds largest mall... I still am in awe that I am this far from home and have farther to go on this journey. The good stuff hasn't even started yet.



Our cab drivers name sounds like Hallelujah , I think we are making her mad or maybe she is just normally gruff.

Update you.

Greetings ,  This should have gone out before my trip but I kinda flaked out, sorry.


I know it may have been a while since you have heard from me so I am writing you now to bring you up to date on all of the awesome changes that have been happening concerning our mission trip to India.

Things have been falling together very smoothly so far, I received my Passport and sent it off for my travel visa. The visa surprisingly came back in three days so that was incredible. That’s better than any turn around from Netflix! Dana held my hand and Ian taunted me as we went to Passport Health to get all of my shots, Five shots total Eight vaccines total. For those who know me well know I’m not the greatest person around needles but I had to set a good example for our little taunting boy. He knows now there is no way out of his next shots.

The trip itself has evolved as well, We are going to Hyderabad for the orphanage, a couple local villages and the leper colony as well as visiting a coastal town called Vishakhpatnum (Good luck with that, I have heard it referred to as Vishka or Vizag? ) If you find Hyderabad in the central southern region of India and then travel east and slightly north to the coast, you will find Vishakhpatnum. I am also eager because we have heard there may be a visit to a jungle village. (I’m praying that this all falls together the way it needs to)

Global Hope India has been busy as well during this time Kevin, Laurie and the rest of the GHI team (you can meet them at Globalhopeindia.org) Have really found some great projects for us and future teams. We will be bringing 2 water purification units with us to help set up as well as teach the locals how to build more using materials easily found locally and another project for placing a large library of Christian content on cell phones in the region called Mobile Evangelist. I’m not sure on the details but it looks like by using mobile hotspots, cell phones and a few laptops (solar powered) the local pastors will have access to resources and be able to share their experiences and needs with each other.

Well, this is where we all are at the moment, some of the team members are finishing up with their visas and we are all excited to get in the air.

Thank you all, once again for all of your support and prayer, Please keep the prayers coming for us who are traveling and our loved ones who are staying behind. They will have enough to worry about just keeping things moving steady here at home, lets continue to pray that their worries and burdens are minimal.

I love and thank you all, God Bless you and yours.

Tom



- For more info on Mobile Evangelist and a Sneak peek of one of the Pastors (Samuel) I will be meeting please follow this link-
 http://www.youtube.com/stevekeel#g/c/762C27C5E80476BD

say ADHD isn't easy for the family.

I know, I know, I'm talking about ADHD again......but hey, someone has to. Right?

One thing I would like to stress is that ADHD is a real disorder and qualifies as a disability under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). I don't know how many times I have heard someone sigh or seen eyes roll when a person is overheard mentioning they have ADHD.

 I just wanted to stress that it is indeed a real disorder and many real people and families can get caught up in it and completely lost if they do not understand it.

There are many websites and message boards about ADHD so I will not get into naming them. I would like to draw your attention (ha!) to the spouse's complaints on the message boards. Many of them are angry, and they all say pretty much the same things, "My spouse doesn't respect me.", " It's like having another child in the house.",  "...deliberately ignored what I asked him to do." or, "when he's not depressed he's angry all of the time."  Rarely do you ever see positive posts that mention coming to a happy medium or a greater understanding of how to work together.

If you read any of my other entries about ADHD then you know It was a therapist that recognized my disorder. What I may not have mentioned was that I was going to the therapist due to the urgings of my wife and friends. I was deeply depressed and a completely angry person. I didn't know it at the time but even though my anger would lash out to others I was really angry with myself, I absolutely hated myself. Yes, I was acting like a jerk, I hated that I was so forgetful, I hated being reminded to do things by my wife all the time, I hated that I couldn't go anywhere without getting lost, or that I couldn't go to the grocery store and remember more than three things that we needed. I hated that I was so unsure of myself that I was totally incapable of making a decision for myself and if I did I would second guess and doubt it the whole way through.

 Because I was unaware of why I was falling short of my standards and the standards of others that were put on me, I saw every reminder and every question as an attack. "Why is everyone always on my ass?" 

It really began to affect my family life, We argued all the time and my patience level with my son was so short that I was constantly on him about every little thing. I was definitely NOT the fun parent. The tension was wound so tight in our home that I am truly surprised my wife and I didn't snap. I know that divorce was not an option for us, we are in it for life. We already went down that road, both with first marriages and we were not willing to go down that road again. The only option was to figure it out, or have me committed. (that was a joke, but I'm sure it crossed her mind.)

Once I was diagnosed, a whole new world of understanding opened up for us. It took me a while to get over the "what if " stage of it all. I went back through my life and And thought about how it would have been if I had only been diagnosed when I was younger. Would I have done better in school? Would I have done well in college instead of dropping out in the first semester just taking two classes? Would I have a better career? Would my first marrage have failed? Would I have more than I have now, perhaps a better life?  You can really beat yourself up on this part of it all or you can see that trying to live in "what if " land serves no real purpose in your life.

 My wife said to me, "This is your life, like it or not this is the best that it gets."  ( I think there was a "learn to love it" in there somewhere as well) She has this wonderful way of using words to kick me straight in the nuggets and bring me back to reality.  Life is what you make of it, just as a marriage is what you both make of it as well.

The hardest part that I can see for a family with ADHD is compromise and understanding.

 Now I say a "family with ADHD" because everyone is involved. Remember those vows?  Better, worse? Richer, poorer? Sickness, health?  Compromise and Understanding...... You must BOTH come to an understanding of how an ADHD person's brain functions. It is chaotic, and sometimes difficult to slow down or focus. The attention span is erratic and if bored can become very short. (this doesn't mean you have to wear a clown suit to talk to your spouse, just don't take it personally if they begin to drift in conversation. HINT: change the pitch of your voice a bit if you see them drifting)  I always tell people to picture themselves standing in the middle of a desert with nothing around you but thousands and thousands of bubbles blowing around in a gentle breeze. The bubbles each carry an  idea, thought or memory and when one floats in front of your face and pops that is what you focus on. several may pop at the same time and you can get "lost in thought".  ( I have been known to stand "lost in thought" for fifteen minutes or more, I am always thankful to the person who speaks to me and brings me back to the world.)  You BOTH need to understand the persons limitations with ADHD, voice your concerns with each other. My wife and I came to an understanding that she was only reminding me of things to keep me on track, not because she is nagging me. I understand that and know now that she is only trying to help and I shouldn't get mad. I also have admitted to some areas where I need extra help, (taking my medication, why do they think a person who has the potential for forgetting to put pants on before going to work will remember to take a pill twice a day?) We have both learned to LOVE the smart phone, with Google calendar I have alarms and reminders for everything, and now I even know what we are doing next tuesday if I'm asked.

 I understand that there are things that she would like me to do, not necessarily for her but sometimes instead of her. I really struggle with this, in my head the dishes don't even register until there is no more room in the sink to put anything else. It's like this, I can drive through town and wouldn't notice eight people standing on the sidewalk waving but if the ninth stood in the road I would see him. If I don't perceive it to be in my way it doesn't bother me like most people. That is why I have to really think about it. On the other hand, my wife will come home and notice that I have done something so she doesn't have to but when she goes to relax she sees my socks on the floor in the living room, she understands my mind was else where. She knows there is always something I'm going to forget.

Compromise and knowing the family limitations, requires communication. I understand now that I will never remember more than three things at the grocery store, so instead of trying to remember it all I will ask that it gets written down without her saying, "It's only four things, why can't you remember ?"  If I am slipping and she feels like she is overwhelmed she knows that she can remind me that she can't do it all and I hear her. Sometimes instead of reminding me of something that needs to be done, she will suggest that we all work on it together.

Mediation in the relationship may be a good option for some who are having trouble with this communication. I continued to go to therapy for a while after my diagnosis just to get a better handle on how to explain what I was going through.

One of the most important things is just as there is no room for anger and resentment in any marriage, there is absolutely no room for it in an ADHD marriage. There are too many other issues to resolve without those things clouding the issue.

be myself.

I have this strange phenomenon surrounding me that makes people hear what I say, even if I didn’t actually say it. It forces me to really struggle to keep track of and evaluate what I say before I actually say it. When my filter fails, most of the time it will come back to haunt me. I have found that it is very difficult to be myself in certain aspects of my life.


Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not this overbearing monster or anything. Just a normal guy making normal observations. But when I agree with a crowd of people that a situation sucks, suddenly the crowd forgets that they were all in agreement as well and I become the sole perpetrator of the disagreement. Suddenly, even though there were twenty people in agreement, I am the only person that can be remembered for saying anything. I will say that I am not a very crass or obscene person, but I do like to kid around a bit and I love sarcasm. We live in a super competitive world where one person’s insecurities can force them to hear what they want to hear. I find that really hard to be myself sometimes.

This brings me to a great Idea for a reality show! WHAT??? You are asking, “How does your paranoia transfer over to a reality show?”

We have become so politically correct and sensitive when it comes to speaking to one another that we have to constantly monitor and control not only what we say but how we say it as well.

What would life be like if we didn’t have to? What if we could be dropped in a small town where nobody knows us and all we had to do was be ourselves? What if we were only allowed to act upon our first impulse, say the first thing that came to mind in conversations?

Would your new neighbors learn to love you, or would they run you out of town within a matter of days? Would it be easier for you to talk about things that matter to you like religion, hobbies, family, or even personal problems you may be going through? Knowing that your goal was to be your true self and not to worry about whether people liked what you said or not, would you still be a likeable person?

I’m not sure how I would fare in this. I would like to think that they would not run me out of town ….although, they might think I was slightly crazy.

How would you do?

be thankful.

This weekend at church, I was able to peek into someone elses life. I saw an amazing love shared between a mother and her son and I saw an amazing love of God.
 Sitting in my chair, waiting for the music to start, my mind wandering through the day. I was thinking about my son's future and other worries. All of which are normal everyday stresses that can creep into your life, that are truly, if you think about it, inconsequential compared to the life problems others may be facing.
  Just as we stood for the music, a woman walked past us pushing her teenaged son in a wheelchair. I assumed they were going to go all the way to the front so he could see, because there were no rows close by to accomodate a wheelchair. What she did next surprised me a little. This small lady and her son stopped two rows up from us and she bent down and started to lift her son from the chair. I was instantly torn. Do I help? Would it really be helping if I ran over there and told her I could do it for her? She obviously didn't have anyone else with her to do the heavy lifting so she had to do it herself to get here. Would it be insulting? While I was wrestling with what the right course of action should be, she lifted him lovingly in her arms and tried to turn him into the row to seat him but the wheelchair rolled down to get in the way. I reached out and pulled the chair back for them, she smiled, "Thank you so much."
  I returned to my seat as a woman with very thick glasses, was assisted to her seat by a man. Holding on to his arm, he led her into the row a few seats and they settled in. She turned to the side screen, which was 15 feet  above our heads, and smiled.
 Worship had started the second song as I was looking up at the screen above my head trying to figure out how the woman in front of me could possibly see anything from a screen that close. Why wasn't she watching the stage or the screen across the room?
  My attention was drawn away from the screen by the way my wife squeezed my hand. It was the type of squeeze attached to heart felt emotions. When I turned to ask, I was instantly brought to tears by what I saw. The mother had returned after placing the wheelchair out of the way and was standing in the row of seats holding her son up in front of her swaying back and forth to the music. The amount of strength and love it took for her to hold her son up so that they could worship together simply floored me.
   During service, when our Pastor began speaking, he encouraged us all to follow along in our Bibles, if we brought them..... Every weekend he leaves that sentence hanging in the air and every weekend I tell myself that I really should start bringing my bible to church. The woman in front of me looked away from the large screen over our heads an pulled her bible out of her bag. I figured out very quickly why she had been using  the video screen closest to us. My heart sank a little more when I realized she could not see any other way, even with her glasses she could not see the stage. She opened her Bible to follow along with the service and in order to read it she had to literally touch her nose to the page.
  I know that what our Pastor spoke about that day was important in my life, (making wise decisions) it always is, but what I learned within the first twenty minutes of the service, sitting in a section of the room that we don't normally sit, was just as important.
   I learned that I have no excuse. If a woman who can not see the pages unless she is a half inch from them can read the Bible, I have no excuse not to read it as steadily as I should.
   I learned that I have no right. A mother lifts her son at least three times before she gets to church. She has to dress him, feed him, and completely care for him, selflessly. She brings him to church and she lifts him up so they can worship together. They sing together. I have no right to complain about my life at all. My worries, my doubts, and my fears seem petty and selfish compared to what I can only imagine she goes through......and yet there she stands, smiling, singing, and holding her son.......loving God.
    They have all shown me that there is no problem in life that God can't handle, let it go, lay it at his feet, become the person you were meant to be, and be thankful for what you have.

...pick you up.

I have never been comfortable with the "Pick up Line."

It always amazes me that some guys use some of the silliest lines and they actually work. "Darlin, did you hurt yourself when you fell from Heaven cuz you sure are an Angel!"  Yeah I think she bumped her head pretty hard if she fell for that line, you might want to stop by the hospital before bringing her to your place, that girl has a concussion!

I wonder what is it that makes women Choose the guy with the lame pick up line. Is it that they are impressed that he possesses the self confidence to use such a silly line?  Or do they lack the self confidence to say, "Dude that was horrible, please go away." 

"Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!?"........Ladies...... the response should be, "My luck will improve as soon as you leave." ,  unless you really want to get "Lucky" then go ahead go home with the guy but I guarantee you if he lacks the imagination to come up with a clever and original line he will lack imagination and originality in other places as well. Not sure "Lucky" is how you're going to feel afterwards.

I do tend to think there are some women who fall for the bad pick up line because they are funny, but guys, you have to understand what is funny to a guy is not always funny to the ladies. On several of the websites for bad pick up lines, (to be honest the "Good" ones aren't much different.) This little charmer can be found... "Eww..Someone farted, lets get out of here." ( I really can't make this up.) Now Ladies if that's the line that gets you to go along then there's no hope for you. But I must also add that if a girl were to use that line on a guy the first thing he would think is, "Yep, She's a KEEPER!"

Some of the lines I have read are just downright nasty, and as I have chosen to keep this blog as a PG-13 posting I can not give you any examples. I will say, "I would look good on you." is pretty tame but still very high on the lame factor

Austin Powers, was only funny for about 3 months, you should never use the term "Shag". It's dumb and begs her to associate you with a silly hairy brit spy with bad teeth, and a big fat guy that eats babies. Although, if that's the impact you're looking for then go for it, but I bet you won't be bringing home any Elizabeth Hurleys.

I wonder sometimes if girls go for so many bad lines because they just feel sorry for us guys, I know I always thought the approach was the worst part of the game. Guys really struggle coming up with such lines, they (sadly) put a lot of thought into them, they pour their hearts into them. The poor guy can sit for weeks, months, or even years crafting the perfect line for the cute girl that works in the coffee shop or the waitress in the restaurant that he can't afford to go to twice a week but has to keep going because this time, this one last time she will come to his table to take his order and he will FINALLY have worked up enought nerve to look her in the eyes , smile to her and say, "I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I have more of something else." Then instantly his face would go blank and he will go into panic mode thinking to himself, "Holy Crap Dude!, That was not what I wanted to say! What the heck is wrong with me! That didn't even make any sense! Stupid, stupid,stupid!"

 Yeah, I'm guessing the pick up lines work because the ladies have it so easy with guys, they look at us from across the bar (optional), walk up (optional), smile (optional), hand us a beer (optional) and say, "hi"...............BAZINGA!!!!!!!! WE are hooked, we will follow you anywhere!

I'm so glad I'm happily married, and if you have any doubts about how bad it is for me to come up with a line, it took 15+ years of knowing each other, working together for her dad, both of us moving away, getting married to other people and seperated before we even started dating.  Yeah....I got Mad Skillz! yo.

...inspire you.

Would you consider yourself a poet or a story teller? You would be surprised to find out how many people actually have it in them to be decent writers. I know, you just rolled your eyes and said, "Oh man, he's talking poetry. " Well i've got news for you, YOU are the ones who will make the best writers. You are the ones holding it all inside, the emotion, the turmoil, the imagination and the inspiration. Let it all out, put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, I dare you.



If you can string letters together to make words and then string words together to make sentences and paragraphs then you can write poetry. You don't have to be Shakespeare, (Yawn.) Poe or any of the other great poets that bored you throughout highschool. You don't have to be Stephen King, Dan Brown or Bram Stoker to tell a good story. All you need is emotions, feelings, a mind and a thought or an idea.



Have you ever been so mad at a friend that you felt like you needed to write them a letter to tell them everything they did wrong to upset you? Plenty of times, right? How many of those letters did you actually send? If you are still friends I would imagine you didn't send any of them at all. What you probably did was read it after you finished writing it then threw it in the trash and went and talk to the person instead. What about the many love letters you have written? You know you have. Did you send those? Maybe. The emotion wells up inside and it needs an outlet, Write that letter, the reason it never gets sent is that it served it's purpose. After it is written and you read it, you feel a little better.



Every poem I have written has a background. Every one has a reason why it was written, once it is written and the emotion is out it has served it's purpose to me. The magic happens when I watch someone else read it, I see the emotion through their eyes. The writing becomes new again and gains a new purpose in someone elses life.


Stories and Poetry can have an impact on lives. People read to escape, people read to better themselves, to learn, to be inspired, to heal. People write for the same reasons, to inspire, to heal, to show hope, to teach and to document great events. You can do that too. it doesn't have to be a masterpiece and you don't have to be a "Writer", there is no special badge. (but if that is what it takes to get you to write I would be happy to make you a badge.) You just have to know a story or have an idea and go from there.

One of the best books known throughout the world today, The Bible, was written by Shepherds, Soldiers, Kings, Scribes, Fishermen, and even a Tax Collector. Now before getting offended hear me out. It is one of the most powerful collections of stories and poetry ever known. You can not say, (no matter what your belief system is, ) that this one collection of words does NOT affect any one who reads it one way or another.

Also, before you get offended that I called The Bible a collection of poems and stories, please know that I mean that as a good thing. What better way to describe a prayer than as a work of poetry. Just look at The Lords Prayer, Dude, that's a poem. Write it out, it even LOOKS like a poem. (Given to us by a Carpenter). What is a Parable? According to Wikipedia, (-Rolls Eyes-, I know, Right?) a parable is " a brief, succinct story, in prose or verse, that illustrates a moral or religious lesson ." A story, That has an impact on the story teller AND the listener.

I'm Not saying you have to be Jesus or Edgar Allen Poe to tell a good story, or write a good poem, and it doesn't even have to be good. I Promise you if you write it it will have an affect on someone, and you will have inspired that person. (Even if you just write for yourself).

Have fun with it.

...shoot myself in the foot.

I just stumbled across an interesting phenomenon, There are LOTS of bloggers out there trading "Follows." I never knew being followed was that important. I thought it was more important to have someone leave a comment on a blog post but I see that I only have one of you that likes to leave comments. (thank you Chad.)

I know I am new at this Blog thing and you may think it's strange that I find this absolutely fascinating. " Hey if you follow me, I'll follow you!" Well, hey, I don't think so buddy. Do I even know you? Are you funny? That might steer me toward reading, because I like funny. ( Disclaimer- Current blogger is not claiming to be funny, only that he likes funny) Wow, the name of the game is having followers huh?

What if my followers are creepy guys (or girls) who do creepy things? Does that make me creepy by association? Hey I can't follow you, you're creepy....And Stop following me! Take off that Clown make-up! It just seems like it would be too easy to find your own personal stalker by pimping out your blog.

It makes me think, there are good people who had/have followers. Jesus has followers. Mohammed, Buddha. Moses had followers back in the day, can you imagine what his blog comments were like? "Are we there yet?", "I'm tired of walking!" , " Dude, we passed that bush an hour ago!", "Get down here, they're building a golden calf!!"

Actually I'm starting to see why Non commenting followers might be a good thing. What I want to know is what is the incentive for me to have an army of blog followers? Do I get a prize? Money? Fame? How About a nifty bumpersticker saying WWTD? What would Tom do? I don't want that, then people would come up to me all the time asking what I would do, that would just make me nervous.
Want to know what I'd do? Read my blog, Follow me, I'll follow you.......no...not really. But if you must follow, please don't follow too closely, and if I hear you say "It puts the lotion in the basket" I'm dropping you.

...share another.

-Only Time Can Tell-



Full of anger, hatred and despair.

My heart pounds with a will to go on,

but as I sit alone in this dark dreary corner

I want to end it all.

Listen to my heart? Why should I !?

I’ve listened once before, I fell in love!

Now, I lie where I fell and wonder what comes next.

Will it finally end, or can this pain go on forever?

Will I live to love again?

Will I want to take that chance?

My answer is yes!

I want it all.

But who will stop this pain I feel?

Does she even know who she is?

only time can tell, so I will wait.

Full of hope, ambition, and the will to dream.

My heart pounds with a will to go on,

and I listen once more.

... try something new.

I submit to you that the place I willingly drag myself out of bed so early every morning for, trudging through the sleepy eyed masses of other commuters to get to , is not as much my job as it is a Social Experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Exactly who is responsible for these experiments? The strings attached to me go up at least four more levels before they fade into the darkness that is beyond Upper Management. Like dominoes falling in a row the strings are pulled from above causing the level below to pull, then the next, and so on till I feel myself pulled. I have no strings.

I am pulled away from the thing that I am doing to be given yet another thing to do. I'm told it is because I was doing the last thing so well. I look around the stark room notice there is another person in the room, very much like me but he holds strings. There is nothing attached to his strings. I ask, "He has strings, shouldn't he be doing these important things?" I'm told that his strings are only for show, he never learned how to pull them. I turn back and finish the important things given to me, The Uppers are pleased and they pull strings of appreciation, the pulls stop just above.

Once again I am pulled away from things to go and assist another to finish their things, Luckily his strings are just like mine except they are hanging slack, not held tight like mine. When the strings are slack your feet tend to drag and you move much more slowly. I was beginning to feel the tension of my strings ease a little. The thing is finished and I am now pulled into another room.

The last room is a whirlwind of activity, strong and powerful. As I look around the room I wonder where are the things I'm supposed to be doing? There are no things set aside for me to do. The whirlwind slows to a gale force wind and I finally see the other person standing in the middle, His strings are slack too. Clutched in one hand I see the strings of other workers, he has figured out if his strings are slack he can create tension by pulling down others around him and using their strings to get a step up. He sees me standing there and tries to grab at my strings and pull me down. I jump out of the room safely and fing myself back in my room.

I'm content in my room, it gives me time to think. Am I really here? Am I a lab rat just being moved from one place to the other just to see how I will react? Are the Scientists also the ones pulling the strings or merely observers? Why does it all have to be this way?

Oh well, Time to cut the strings and go home, I'll reattach them adain in the morning.

... get it all out!

There has been something bothering me about the American mentality for a long time now. Before you start throwing "How dare you's" and calling me names and getting mad, I want to let you know that I am as guilty as the next guy when it comes to the American Mentality.


We are Free, Patriotic, Proud, Honorable, Loving, Protective, Wealthy (comparitavely), Resourceful, Innovative, Friendly, Assertive, Caring, Strong willed, Insensitive, Arrogant, Imposing, Lazy, Carefree, Hateful, Egotistical, and Elitist.

Wow, see how fast that took a turn?

America Is a GREAT country to live in, anyone who has lived in any other country in the world knows first hand how great it is. As a country, we have so many choices of so many things (just count how many Barbeque sauce choices there are at the grocery store.) and we still complain when we can't get what we want.

I would have to say that truly polite people are hard to find. I have a hard time teaching my four year old how to be polite and say "please" and "thank you" when nobody says it out side of our home or his school. I work in the maintenance industry and I can not tell you how many people have stepped on or over me to get through the door way I was working on when there was another door right next to me. Please explain to me the logic that states it is easier to step on and over a person to get through a doorway than it is to just open a door to walk through. When was the last time you ventured out of your comfort zone and stopped to talk to someone you passed on the street? We grumble at each other when we pass, and if we are having a bad day we take it out on the cashier, waitress, houskeeper, or anyone else who works to serve you. Think about how bad a day they have when they have to deal with twenty more rude people after you. Next time take a lesson from these folks and smile back no matter how bad your day is.

How many times in this country have you heard someone say "I deserve" or " It's my Right as an American." Have you ever asked that person if they are an expert on the Constitution? Have they even read it or is it from the Oral History of the American Rights passed down through the family for generations to justify your grievances? How easily we speak up to defend our right to free speech and neglect the Declaration that "All men are created equal." I have to admit, I just looked up the First Amendment and I find it interesting that the Right to free speech is preceded by the Right to Religion.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances"


You want to complain to the Government then do so, it is your right as an American, but try not to trample someone elses rights in doing so.



I love this country and all that it has given me, but I find myself wondering why I yearn to return to Sicily so much. Maybe it was that as a foreigner I was welcomed there and never judged by where I was from. We could learn from this.



It blows my mind what we actually think is important in our lives, we have so much to be thankful for and yet we still complain. I look at all I have and I consider myself lucky. Do I want more? Of course, it's just the nature of the beast. Do I need more? Certainly not. Could and should I do more to help others? Yes, we all should. THIS should be our right as American Citizens.

... to share one of my favorites.

This has always been a favorite of mine .

The Sound of One Hand Clapping-




There was a man,
a lonely man, sitting on the edge of a fountain.
He looked so very sad, so I went to him.
I asked him what was wrong.
He looked up at me and smiled,
“Nothing,” he said, “I just understand now.”
Then he vanished.

Later that evening I had a dream,
and I saw that man.
Surrounded by darkness, he was shivering.
“Do you know the sound of one hand clapping?”

I never saw or dreamt of that man again,
but I’ve carried his question with me throughout my life.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?

My life was once so secure, so simple.
I had a job, friends and even someone who loved me,
but no longer.

Now I sit on the edge of the fountain, alone and cold.
I hear the mans voice again,
“What is the sound of one hand clapping?”
I chuckle as a young boy comes and asks me what is wrong.
“Nothing,” I say, “ I just understand now.”

...wax poetic.

- The Prisoner -


There is a pause, and then movement,
another pause, then movement again.
All within a split second, over and over.
The pounding rings loudly in my ears,
and the prisoner cries out for freedom.
The prisoner has been trapped far too long,
but…
can the prisoner live without it’s stone walls and shackles?
It has found freedom in the past,
and has come running back begging
for the safety of the stone walls
and the security of the steel door
which it is desperately pounding on now.
Upon it’s last return to it’s cell I became angry
and cast the key into the vast desert outside the prison walls.
As time passed, a path appeared in that desert,
and the prisoner stood in it’s cell, day by day,
staring at that path through a tiny window.
Then…
one day, along that path, a woman appeared,
and with her she had her own prisoner.
They were both beautiful.
Suddenly, the woman stopped to pick something up,
as she did a gleam of light hit the object
and the prisoner in the cell became frantic.
From the tiny window the prisoner could see that the woman now
held the key to it’s freedom.
The prisoner’s cries had not gone unheard
and as the woman stood on her path staring at the window,
the prisoner wondered,
would she use that key?

...question my self worth.

I am really new to this whole Blog world and I find that I have a lot of questions.....

Who sees my blog? This Blog, the one you are currently reading. Are you reading this? Hey leave a comment........

I feel like the guy that stands up on the stage tapping the microphone saying, "Hello? Is this thing on?" How does this thing called a blog REALLY work? Is the rhetoric I'm spewing really go anywhere where there is a small chance that someone may stumble across it and actually enjoy what I'm saying enough to return another day? Is that it? Am I just a big hill of snow just waiting anxiously for that one little ball of snow to begin rolling downward? Or must I self promote with giant "READ MY BLOG!!!" posts plastered throughout all of the social networks in this vast Web that is apparently World Wide. FaceBook is ok, but should I really subject my friends to the real me? What if they don't "Like" what I say and they un - "Friend" me? Could I really handle the unfriendliness of it all? MySpace? Please, MY opinion was never really well received. Maybe I could go to Twitter, Hmmm. I feel like a TWIT just saying the word "Tweet."

If I continue on with this blog and no one reads it do I still exist? Or am I just another tree fallen in the forest? Will it even make a difference to me if people DO read what I write, Will it change how I feel about myself if I know someone is out there listening to me? Man, this is a real problem. Are there truly people out in the world whose lives have changed because they blog and KNOW people read them? Would it drive a person mad just knowing that throughout the years of blogging their anonymity has slowly dwindled away, that there are strangers out in the world that know them better than their own families know them? Think about it.

Do I really want to do this? If I do, will it make me a better person, or not?