It is a "Hard to focus" day for me today, I have those every now and again. Trying to tune into a single thing is very difficult when it's like this. Every single little noise is amplified and draws my attention away.
Even now there is someone on the other side of the shop, I can tell he is pacing and even though I can't see him I know exactly who it is by the sound of his keys and I know exactly what he is doing. He is trying to make sense of the work order he just received and after a while he will come in here and ask me about it to see if he truly understands it.
Days like this also bring the ticking of the clock to the foreground, the hard drive clicking in the computer and the creaking of my bosses chair in his office. I hear it all, and I have to tune it out by turning on two fans in my office area.
It's kind of like my own little super power except it also comes with it's own version of Kryptonite. From the living room, with the TV on I can hear my son get up upstairs and go to the bathroom. It's almost like I tune into the sounds that are out of place to me. This is why I hear them.
The problem is sometimes that is all I hear. Just ask my wife, it drives her nuts. If I tune in on a sound and it is steady enough or just barely audible I can stand there for a long time trying to pinpoint what it is and where it's coming from.
Sounds are not the only things that can distract me, my own thoughts can do it as well. The other day I was in a hardware store and shovel caught my eye. Instantly my mind opened up and went off in several different directions. I thought about digging up the tree in the front yard, I wonder if my chainsaw will start, I hope the neighbor doesn't try to talk to me about the apple tree, I really hate bamboo, I wish the dog would dig up the moles, I wish the dog wasn't such a picky eater, stupid cats, I think I should clean the gutters, do we need batteries? and on and on. I don't know how long I was standing there but I'm glad a sales person asked me if I was finding everything I needed.
It isn't as bad or as frequent as it sounds, and I have figured out I function better with distractions from my distractions. Loud heavy music, fans on, a tv in the background and a lot of repetition of tasks. Making order out of chaos.
In the car I really don't have any problems with the safety aspect of the driving but I do have to prepare myself if I am going somewhere new, I do tend to miss turns or get lost more if I'm by myself. I have been KNOWN to leave my beautiful, kind and understanding wife waiting at the airport or out side of work because I missed a turn and ended up two towns away. The GPS is a great tool, except for the fact that it never seems to be in MY car.
The final super power attributed to my ADHD it Hyper-focusing. It sounds great right? HYPER - FOCUS!!!! You would think I could get a lot done with this one. The problem it it never rears it's ugly little head when I could use it to my advantage. Most of the time it shows up when I'm already in the middle of something and I notice something else that can truly be done later but I HAVE to get it done now. My son lost a nut to his High Hat for his drum kit and I went to every music store and hardware store I could think of and refused to give up. Could I have contacted the company and asked then to send me another one? Sure I could, but that wouldn't get it fixed right now would it?
The bonus to Hyperfocusing is if I can't find the part can't be found It drives me to create something that will work instead. Of course, that doesn't get my garage straightened out.
It took me till my thirties to figure out why my mind worked the way it does, but now that I understand what it is I can live a little easier with it.
It's like Rumpelstiltskin, I know it's name now, I can embrace it now.
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