... repeat myself.

This is an oldie but a goodie from a past blog of mine.

"How things work at a University" Enjoy,



Lets take a hypothetical situation: a carpenter needs to be hired to do a job over a weekend and needs keys.

The State must accept bids for the job and most of the time they choose the contractor that will cost the least. Once the University chooses the cheapie the ball starts rolling and committees are set up to discuss the work that needs to be done, this usually takes weeks. Once the planning is done they can start working.


Keep in mind that they are going to be working on saturday and that it is only 11:00 am thursday so there is a real need for keys to be cut and picked up. The contractor has known he will need keys for three weeks now but it must have slipped his mind.

Instead of submitting a key request to the lock shop and picking up the keys before the lock shop closes at 3:30pm --heres what he does:

Young Skippy the contractor, in a panic calls the construction manager assigned to the project and leaves a voicemail message stating that he needs keys or he cant get the job done and to call him back immediately.

After leaving the message he picks up his phone and calls his crew leader and tells him he doesn't think they are going to be able to get the job done because he doesn't have the keys yet.

Now heres where it gets tricky folks because while he is on the phone he is standing in the lab that needs the work done and the Prof. that wants the work done can hear him.

Meanwhile the Construction Manager (CM) has called the lock shop and we are cutting the keys now. the CM is told the keys will be ready by noon and Young Skippy must come before 3:30pm to pick them up or we will be closed.

The CM now calls the contractor to let him know whats up but is forced to leave a message because the contractor is on the phone.

Now! Remember the Prof? You know, the one who overheard that his work isn't going to get done? Well hold on folks it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

The Prof now storms out of the lab and proceeds across the brick yard towards his office to call the Dean of his department and complain. While on the brickyard he bumps into another Prof and starts venting (very loudly, I might add) to him about how the work is not going to get done. The venting is overheard by Little Timmy who is on his way to class but since he was running a bit early decided to stop and listen to the brickyard Preacher who was giving a sermon entitled "The Devil is in The Details". Timmy gets bored and leaves to continue to class. On the way Timmy bumps into his buddy Bob who just happens to share a class with Timmy which is also taught by Angry Prof. Timmy tells Bob that the lab Angry Prof was planning for next week may be cancelled because the work wont be done in time and then continues on to class. Bob walks over to the atrium where he meets his mom for lunch because well hey he IS a student and will take any opportunity for a free lunch that he can. Bob tells his mom who just happens to bump into her co-worker Stella on the way back to the office. Bob's Mom tells Stella what happened as they pass by the Hot Dog vendor that is always out there on Hills street with his cart and his always faithful little dog by his side.

Meanwhile the Angry Prof. (after not getting an answer on the phone because it is lunch time) storms into the Dean's office where he is met by the secretary (Paula) sitting behind her desk working on what is left of her lunch which consists of a half of ham sandwich and one of the largest dill pickles you have ever seen. Un- amused, the Secretary tells the Angry Prof. (who by the way has been the biggest pain in the butt she has ever had the honor of meeting) that she will forward his tragic story to the Dean when he returns from his seminar on how to deal with difficult people.

At the very same moment, the hotdog man's trusty companion leaves to rid himself of some excess bladder pressure. On the way back the dog meets the local stray cat, they both stop for a bit and smell each others butt then continue on their merry way.

The Dean makes it back to his office, gets his messages from the Pickle Packing Paula, swears a bit and states "I wish that old fart would just retire already", then storms into his office to contact the Lock Shop Supervisor who tells him that the keys have been ready for over an hour. The Dean walks over to his office door and kindly waits for Paula to finish off Picklezilla and askes her to contact Angry Prof and let him know everything is on track. Paula belts out a hearty "no problem" and smiles as she thinks "Forget that Idiot, he can wait!". Angry Prof never gets the message.

By this time the old Stray Cat has strolled all the way down Hills street to the Cup 'O Joe,( a local hangout where all the trendy beatnics and coffee lovers like to go and order their triple fudge double light frothy grande mocha lattes and tell each other how cool they are to be hanging out in such a place) and is currently rubbing on the leg of a grad student and part time pet psychic Carl Montez. At that very moment Carl could sense that something was really bothering that old stray so he bent down , picked the stray up and looked him straight in the eyes, Thats where he got the whole story. You see, it may have looked like the dog was just smelling the cat's butt but they were actually communicating. With every little twich of the dog's whiskers on the cat's tiny hiney hole the dog told him what he had just heard in the conversation between Bob's mom and her co-worker Stella, very much like morse code. Carl made his way back to the Vet School and on his way in he told the receptionist about the work that was not getting done on main campus because they couldn't get keys and she in turn called her husband who was out golfing with the Nephew of the Vice President of The United States (who has nothing to do with this story by the way). The husband called the asst Director for the Dining services who then remembered that the Director for Facilities Operations was in the main dining area having a late lunch and went out and told him what he learned. the Director went back to his office and called the Assistant to the assistant, assistant director of Repairs and Reconstruction, who in turn calls the Lock shop Supervisor and is told that the keys were cut two and a half hours ago.

It is now 2:30pm and the keys have not been picked up.

Angry Prof, not being a patient man, Can't stand it anymore. He has waited to hear something back from the Dean, and Young Skippy, the contractor is nowhere to be found. He decides to call the lock shop himself and is told "yes the keys are ready, but it's 3:00pm and we close in half an hour so if they want these keys they better hurry, they've been ready all day!"

3:30pm comes and goes and everyone leaves except for the On-Call guy who has to stay till 5pm.

At 4pm the on-call guy arrives back at the shop to find a CM guy banging on the door, Upon seeing the locksmith he rushes over and says that the contractor is on his way and is there any way possible to pick up the keys now, he is just down the street. The locksmith says sure no problem.

The contractor doesn't show up for another hour...........

............ The next day............

..............................The keys are lost............................

And on monday the Lock Shop starts work on re-keying.......

.................................The whole Building!!!!!!!!

Hypothetically, that is.